Citizen of the Month » Raisin Cain

Raisin Cain

I’ve been depressed. And lonely. And needy. And horny. And looking for love in all the wrong places. And pissed off at mommybloggers for naming every other blog MommySomething. And finding Twitter superficial.

And I have high cholesterol.

Is it any wonder that I haven’t blogged all week? Do you really want to read this crap?

Call me co-dependent. I need a woman at my side. Who is Adam without Eve? Without Eve, Adam would still be walking around the Garden of Eden, eating mud, and playing with himself!

“Hey, Adam, why don’t you try this delicious Apple?” said the sneaky snake.

“Uh, God said not to. I don’t want him to get mad at me and take away my wee-wee. I like raisin’ my cain.”

“What a dimwit.” said the snake to himself. “C’mon, God, you can do better. You need to go back to the drawing board and chalk this one up as the beta.”

“I think you’re correct, snake,” boomed God. “I will create the superior Wo-man! But what do I do with my first unsuccessful attempt, this creation called man.”

“I have an idea,” said the snake. “Give the Wo-man a pair of boobs so then he always has something to play with and to think about. His simple mind will be amused.”

And to commemorate this event, on Shabbos, Jews worldwide eat matzoh ball soup to remember the wisdom of God in his creation of wo-man.

Today, I am happy again. I received a very nice email from a very special, inspirational woman. She is beautiful, smart, and I have been in love with her for a very long time. She is also well-known… a major celebrity that you all know. I have had celebrities come to this blog before, like the cowboy from the Village People, but never someone so special. And, yes, she loves me too.

May I introduce you to Delia Pacheco, the woman behind the image on the Sun-Maid Raisin box since 1970!

In 2006, I wrote a post titled “I Love You, Sun-Maid Raisin Girl,” bemoaning the fact that the company was updating the image of the raisin girl in their marketing to make the image seem “hipper.” I’m glad to say that Ms. Pacheco is still on all the boxes of Sun-Maid Raisins, and I smile and wink at her every time I enjoy my favorite healthy snack. She is like my real life Eve!

Thank you for the email! Here is Ms. Pacheco’s Squidoo page with her story. She is much more than a pretty face — she is an artist, a cancer survivor, and the founder of a Christian ministry!

Tags: Delia Pacheco, raisins, Sun-Maid

36 Comments so far
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How sweet! With that said, I will now return to being my usual grumpy self.

Twitter seems to be taking the best of the blogging world, then stepping on it, spitting on it, and keeping the rest. Nothing like surfing the web to find out when people brush their teeth.

I don’t trust snakes. Or Wo-men. Or Gods.

Really, how often do men “play” with boobs?

I think they think about them…like to look at them…but actual play?

Please feel..I mean..fill me in.

I can’t remember the name of the studio now, but I remember how disappointed I was when they redesigned their signature of a woman holding a torch to look more modern.” Apparently they based their modern woman on Hillary Clinton.

How did you get into my head and grab the first paragraph of this post? Thief! Except I could never articulate it as well. ; )

“Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant.

— Mark Twain

How cool! I checked out her pages and she seems like a really nice lady.

And to commemorate this event, on Shabbos, Jews worldwide eat matzoh ball soup to remember the wisdom of God in his creation of wo-man.

Everything makes sense now. Thank you.

Glad you are happy again :-). I hate it when you are sad.

Heartache sucks. That’s really all I have to add to the conversation.

I had no idea there was a real person behind the raisin box picture.

This post took a really sweet turn. And I mean it, I like to use raisins to make bland dishes sweeter.

If you feel like you’re looking for love in all the wrong places, sometimes it’s best to just look in the pantry.

In my own mind, I’m famous. And I adore you too.

I love the sunmaid raisen girl story. But I am sorry you feel unsettled there without a lady. You have high cholesterol? Yeah, me…I just found out I got arthritis in my back. No wonder I be in pain the last few months!

Just FYI..I was “alone” until I was 34..if my husband ever went away (dead etc…) I would be “alone” again. It was so peaceful..and I was in control..ALL THE TIME.. but I love my husband and our crazy life..but being “alone” doesn’t have to be lonely. I find if people find someone just because they are lonely..they settle for someone that isn’t good enough for them. So be careful of your heart..

Admit it, Neil. The first part of this post was not written by you, but your penis. You are not alone. Neilputzka is alone.

You need to put him out there, Neil, to remedy the problem. Not just in cyberspace, but in real life. I suggest a debutante ball or impending divorce party, where you invite all your least attractive male friends, and they invite all their hot chick friends. And Neil? Make sure Sophia is not home when said party happens!

Thank you for the history of the Matzoh. Who knew?

I’m glad the Sun-Maid Raisins lady loves you, Neil. But I would be way more impressed if the Land O’ Lakes lady loved you.

Did you see Dooce on “Today” this morning? I don’t know how to embed a link here, so if you want to see her interview (with Kathie Lee, ugh) let me know and I’ll get it to you.

Awww love from the raisin lady!
Now if you start seeing the Quaker Oats dude, or Mr. Clean I am going to start to worry.

Oh man, “Black Belt Mama” doesn’t count, does it? I mean, it implies more butt kicking than diaper changing right?

“And pissed off at mommybloggers for naming every other blog MommySomething.”

I don’t want to be labeled a ‘mommy blogger’ even though I am… well, a mommy who does blog.

Hence my blog’s name - Krississippi(.com): The Fifty-First State of ~~the Union~~ CONFUSION

Memarie Lane — that was Columbia Pictures.

John — How do you know this Mark Twain blogger didn’t steal it from me?

MP — Research shows that when a couple splits, it make the woman healthier and she lives longer than she would if married. The guy, on the other hand, drops dead soon afterwards.

Jane — I don’t really know you yet, but I like you.

NPW — The Land O’Lakes lady already is involved with Aunt Jemima.

Buzzgirl — Dooce, Dooce, Dooce…

Black Belt Mama — well, it does sort of count, but since you have that black belt, I’m certainly not gonna pick a fight with you…

I’m debating whether the Sun Maid Raisin story is more or less depressing than the Willy Wonka story.

I think the sooner you move out, the better you’ll feel. Anticipating the end may be worse than the end itself.

I love the SunMaid Raisin Girl! Well, perhaps not in the same way as you, but I love her just the same. I grew up near the raisin capital of the world, so seeing her makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Glad you’re happy, too.

Aww Neil, you make my heart hurt. But I’m also glad that I don’t have “mommy” in my blog name so you can’t be pissed at me.

Hi Neil. I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling down. I like it when you blog, even if you write about being depressed. Sending good vibes your way . . .

I’m sorry you’re down friend. Depression can often fuel good art they say. I guess that’s the upswing? Cuz this post is pretty damn funny.

It’s cute you wink at the girl on the rasin box. Sometimes when I open my refrigerator Carlo Rossi on the wine bottle winks at me.

I had no idea that she was a real person.
Please, GOD let Mr. Clean really exist and be that buff in person.

Drop me a line about your cholesterol. Just stay away from those drugs.

I hope you start feeling better. Endings suck, but then there’s all the beginnings to look forward to.

This could be a really good time for you to hang out by yourself and figure out what you like and be alone but not lonely…And write hilarious blog posts, of course.

this is only marginally related to your post, but i would really like to emphasize that you WILL GET THROUGH THIS SHITTY TIME, and you will wake up one day and feel okay. I promise. It sucks for a while, and then it gets better. I promise!!!

Sorry about that cholestrol thing.

[...] I received that nice email from the Sun-Maid raisin girl about a post from that year. Today, I received a different type of response to [...]

HEY!

My stupid mommy blog doesn’t say mommy or blog anywhere in it! In fact, it promotes use of the demon liquor. ON YOUR CHILDREN.

Huh, that’s a neat story of the sun maid. I always like to hear the backgrounders on product figureheads like that.

am I the only one to notice that the 1961 Raisin Girl looks a lot like Whoorl?

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Neil Kramer is a writer in Los Angeles (well, New York now). Citizen of the Month is his blog. Make yourself at home.

Email and IM:
neilochka at yahoo dot com

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