Elisabeth Hasselbeck with her Maclaren Stroller
(thanks to the lovely Cheaty Monkey. More strollers on her blog)
I hope I didn’t insult any women in the last post by questioning our special male/female friendship.
I really do enjoy reading the blogs of women. I learn a lot about your gender. I’m supposed to be a writer, so it is important to get insights into the minds of women. One day, I hope to have the ability to write a real, three-dimensional female character who doesn’t just have sex with strangers in alleyways and shoot people with the revolver she has hidden in her garter belt.
In my last post I made a joke about mommybloggers who write about celebrity strollers. Rather than making fun of this, I might as well learn more, in case I ever have to write about this subject. It is good to be well-rounded.
So, tell me. If you’re a mommy strolling down Rodeo Dr. or Fifth Avenue or Main Street with your baby in a stroller, and you meet another mother, do you actually take note of the BRAND of the stroller?! Is it a status symbol, akin to a guy driving a Ferrari or a Hummer? Is there that much difference in the quality of a stroller? Would you be afraid to be seen using a stroller from Walmart? Does one stroller fold more easier than the other? Have any of your babies had more than one stroller, and actually preferred one over the other?
Naomi Watts and her Bugaboo stroller.
Let’s get down to my writing.
Imagine I’m trying to write an episode of some new TV show about mothers who live in, say, Pittsburgh. The show is called Pittsburgh Mommies.
Producer: “We need a re-write! Bring in that Neilochka! He KNOWS how to write women!”
My assignment: There is a crucial scene between two mothers who meet in the park, the roles played by Jennifer Garner and Teri Hatcher (who left Desperate Housewives to star in this show). Would something like the following sound believeable to a real mother? —
Jennifer: Teri, how are you? I see little Tyler is feeling better.
Teri: Oh yes, the little munchkin is perfect.
Teri: What, Jennifer?
Jennifer eyes Teri’s new stroller with jealousy in her eyes.
Teri: Oh, I see you’ve noticed this little thing…
Teri laughs nervously.
Jennifer: How did you get the new Bugaboo? It hasn’t even been released to the general public yet?
Teri: Oh, one of Michael’s clients works for the Bugaboo company. We paid for it, of course. Isn’t he a darling husband? He’s always bringing me little presents.
Jennifer: This isn’t just a little present. This is a brand new Bugaboo. Do you know how much this costs?
Teri: Oh , Michael wouldn’t tell me. He just said, as long as the baby is living in comfort — that’s all that’s important. I mean it’s not essential to have a Bugaboo. Your Maclaren stroller is perfectly good enough for your Sarah.
Jennifer: What do you mean by that?
Teri: I mean, I know Eddie has been laid off lately. A Bugaboo is a little out of your price range.
Jennifer: So are you saying that Tyler deserves better than Sarah?
Teri: Of course not. The Maclaren is an excellent stroller. As is the Siver Cross Pram, the same one Maggie Gyllenhaal uses! And the… It’s just that Michael…
Jennifer: Michael! Michael! I’m sick and tired of hearing about your stupid husband Michael! Maybe if you moved your eyes once in a while away from your stroller you would notice that he’s shtupping Ashley Friedman at the Hyatt Hotel every Thursday Night during your vibrator and dildo selling party!
Teri: — You bitch.
Jennifer turns over Teri’s stroller, with the baby still inside.
Jennifer: — I hate you! I hate you… and your Bugaboo!
INT. PITTSBURGH HYATT – NIGHT
Lovemaking scene between Teri’s husband, Michael, and Ashley Friedman.
Mommybloggers, did this baby stroller scene ring true? I know it did. Thank you for letting me learn about your secret lives.