Valentine’s Day has always been tough for us. The pressure of Valentine’s Day, with all the hullabaloo and candy-giving, makes us question our already unsteady relationship. How can we ever live up to the romantic images on those Hallmark cards?
Sophia and I got into a fight on the night before Valentine’s Day. I went to find somewhere else to sleep. I felt uncomfortable calling up a friend, so I drove to the nearest Holiday Inn to see if they had any availability. All the rooms were booked except for the “Honeymoon Suite” with a Jacuzzi for $250 dollars. See: Irony. I was too tired to keep on driving, so I went back home and parked my car in the driveway, exactly where I started. I went into the backseat, curled up, and decided to go to sleep, using my sweater as a pillow. I had always heard of people sleeping in their car. Hey, it was almost cool – like I was in a rock band! I was woken up a few hours later by the metallic sounds of a torrential rain storm pounding on the roof of the car. I felt like I was stuck in a car wash that had been taken over by HAL from 2001. It was noisy, the rain and wind shaking the car. I don’t know how I did it, but I fell asleep again.
In the morning, I woke up. Have any of you ever opened your eyes in the morning and realized that you were sleeping in the back seat of your car? If you have, you will understand how I felt. I stumbled out of the car, my legs all stiff and asleep. Standing a few feet away was my next door neighbor, a well-dressed attorney in her business suit, heading for her Lexus. I stuck my head back into the car, moving my hands back and forth, making believe that she just caught me “cleaning out the back seat” of the car.
“Good Morning, Lindsay,” I said.
“Hello, Neil.” she said, sternly.
I’m not sure I fooled her – at all.
I walked over to Starbucks, where I peed and washed my face, like a homeless man, feeling like Starbucks Inc. owed me for all those overpriced lattes. A few hours later, I headed to Beverly Hills for a meeting with a Hollywood producer! The meeting went well. Maybe he mistook the “fire in my eyes” for my bloodshot look from sleeping in the car.
I’ve been in a hotel since then.
Why am I telling you all this? I probably shouldn’t be. I have all these new, wonderful people coming here to read interviews, so it is a bit uncomfortable airing my dirty laundry, but as every blogger knows, a personal blog is about both the good and bad of life. We’ve all been there, and I am inspired by the openness of many of you.
I love Sophia. We have some problems. Some of you have been reading about us for three years now. We both attend therapy, but are finding it difficult to fix things. Maybe living together while “separated” is not the answer.
Who’s at fault here? Well, you would hear very different stories depending on who told the tale, but basically we are both responsible for our own marriage.
Today is Sophia’s birthday. She’s probably upset. I hope I get to see her later, but if I don’t, I hope she does something fun to celebrate her special day. Please wish Sophia a happy birthday. She’s a big part of this blog and I know many of you care about her.
Happy birthday, Sophia.
Oh luv, life as a homeless man on Valentine’s Day has got to be a new low.
I’m so sorry you’re in this place–physically, emotionally.
When my husband and I hit rough patches in our marriage, it is truly disconcerting to see our situation. It’s astounding really, how at times we share so much and yet share so little, how silently we go from thinking we’ll be together forever to wondering whether we can last six more months.
Peace to you where you are. And lots of love. Soon I’ll be in Virginia–which is very conveniently located relative to Redondo Beach, California. : ) I’ll leave the light on for you.
XO
Your post broke my heart. I hope you work it out very soon…happy birthday Sophia.
Dear Neil and Sophia,
I wish you every wisdom for loving.
xo
Of course I wish her a Happy Birthday!
I hope you manage to sort yoursleves out – whatever that outcome may be. You both deserve to be happy.
And of course, if you take too long I will get on a plane and bang your heads together!!! (is that phrase used in the USA??)
Gosh that stinks.
I AM new here and barely know you (happy birthday to Sophia)but I do hope things get better (and that could mean moving out completely) and that you have some resolution.
Happy Birthday, Sophia. I hope she gets her birthday wish and that you both find peace in your relationship.
happy birthday to your lovely sophia.
i have no answers but my heart goes out to both of you. some things aren’t meant to be.
Aw, dang, Neil!
And Happy Birthday, Sophia!
Happy birthday to Sophia. Keep working at it, Neil, you clearly still love each other.
Happy Birthday Sophia.
Neil, you’re in my thoughts!
Sleeping in the car?! Dude! Come on out to Florida…you can stay on my couch. We’ll do Disney.
Happy birthday, Sophia.
“I figure whenever you’re down and out the only way is up.”
Hang in there!
Happy Birthday, Sophia! Neil, I wish the best for you. Sleeping in the backseat of a car really stinks. I know. From experience.
I’m sorry that things are rough, but at least you’re both making efforts! Sorry that cupid missed this year! Happy Birthday Sophia!
Jeff and I hit a rough patch a few years back and I didn’t think we would make it. It’s a sad, hard, scary place to be. Hang in there.
And a happy birthday to Sophia.
I’ve only been reading here for a little while, but happy birthday, Sophia.
relationships are hard; making them work is harder. i hope you and sophia can work things out. i haven’t had to sleep in the car except following a bout of drinking in high school, but i feel your pain. try to keep the faith.
I’m so glad you posted this. Personally, I sorta hate V. Day and all the expectations it drums up for people. We celebrate (our version of an) anniversary a few days before, so we tend to let the 14th pass by unnoticed. I do wish Sophia a Happy Birthday today…and know that this day can’t be easy for either of you based on what you’ve written here. I believe one of the things that draws so many readers to your blog is that you’re willing to write about your relationship with Sophia in its less-than-perfect state. Because so many of us (myself included) are in relationships that don’t fit the mold of what ‘they’ say we should have. Hang in there…and don’t forget we luv ya on Twitter, too.
P.S. I just watched ‘Election’ the other night…and laughed out loud when Matthew Broderick woke up having slept in his car…because the windows were fogged with condensation. Been there. I feel for ya.
At least you have a hotel room now and can wash your face and not have to dry it with one of those hot air blasters.
Happy birthday to Sophia.
Happy Birthday Sophia!
Thinking of you Neil.
aw Neil, i’m sorry to hear things are rough for you both.
i understand about airing our dirty laundry on our blogs…and yet that kind of frankness draws readers as well. and it can help, hopefully, you not feel alone.
happy birthday to sophia. i hope her day is special.
Oh dear. I was afraid it was something like this.
Sophia – birthday wishes pale in comparison to wishing you happiness in your life. Which I do.
To both of you, I’m sorry that this part of your journey is so rough. Lean on your friends. Lean on your counselors. And hopefully, one day again, you can lean on each other.
Peace and blessings.
Oh, I’m sorry, Neil…here’s hoping sleeping in a car on Valentine’s day is rock bottom and things are on the mend one way or another.
Happy Birthday, Sophia!
Sorry love. Really sorry.
Sophia – I hope this year is the one where you get exactly what you need to be happy.
Love to you both.
Happy birthday, Sophia.
I hope that you two can find some way through all of this.
I have no advice but I know how it feels to sleep in the backseat, hell I know how it feels to have sex there
I have no words of wisdom to offer but I sincerely hope Sophia’s birthday is wonderful!
Hi Neil, that is a pretty rotten way to spend any night even those devised as special by a marketing machine geared up to extract money out of you. Perhaps if being a non-couple living together is not working then being a couple who don’t live together could?
Happy birthday Sophia and good luck to both of you.
We love Sophia and we love you. Hang in there & keep writing with such honesty.
Its difficult to watch any two people not make thing works; especially when they obviously care for each other so much. I wish you both the best and an especially a Happy Birthday for Sophia.
Neil, when you share this side of yourself its nice; it makes a whole human instead of just a talking penis. Although I think that’s true for a lot of people. errr or is it just men?
My heart aches for both of you.
If it helps any, my husband and I have a habit of having horrid fights just in time to ruin our anniversary every single year. It’s the only reason we celebrate Valentine’s Day, actually. To make up for heinous anniversary days.
I wish peace and resolution and full hearts for both of you.
Happy birthday, Sophia.
I really hope things pick up for you, and that you and Sophia find your answer…whatever that answer may be.
Happy Birthday to Sophia
Happy Birthday Sophia!
And – Valentine’s Day is hideous pressure for almost everyone. At least Redneck & I had the excuse of sickness to mostly ignore the whole thing.
Nothing says “I love you” like sharing the cough drops and Kleenex.
We’re so romantic.
A very happy birthday to Sophia!
As for Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14 was an appropriately horrible day to culminate an equally stressful week for me, so I know where you’re coming from. Looking back now, I really can’t figure out what the big deal was.
Aw, Neilochka… Passionate people, as you two seem to be, have both fiery love and explosive fights. The passion goes both ways, right?
Channel. Focus. Keep your eye on the prize and remember that the only failing in falling down is the failure to get back up.
The happiest of birthdays to dear Sophia and the best of wishes for you both.
I wish the both of you peace and love.
Thinking of you both and wishing Sophia a great birthday!
Anything I say will sound trite.
с днем рождения, Sophia.
xo
Maybe time to trade that baby in for a VW Bus.
Happy Birthday Sophia.
Neil, I am very annoyed with you for having an ironic honeymoon suite story that is better than mine.
Bummer, dude.
I hope things either improve for the two of you or that you both move on…you seem sort of stuck as it is.
First, Happy Birthday, Sophia!
Second, I am sorry for all this. You two are such awesome people…I really hope you find a way to make it all work out.
Thirdly, it’s the 21st century. Don’t say “hullabaloo” anymore please.
First of all, Happy Birthday to Sophia.
Secondly, about posting this…you know that I understand all too well exactly what it’s like to be going through those kinds of problems and not know where to put it. If you can find a way to talk about it on your blog without being disrespectful to yourself or Sophia (which you totally mastered here, btw) then it should be talked about. As personal bloggers, we too often take a bunch of flack about opening up our real lives here but why?
Any-stinkin-way….I hope that you find your way to happiness no matter which way that leads you. If you need a place to stay ever again, please call me.
Rodgers/Hart said it best, Neil: “…each day is Valentine’s Day.” I hope you remember that when you personally wish Sophia a happy birthday; show her she is and will always be your valentine…separated or not.
I hope your meeting with the producer helped pave the way to good things for you, Neil.
Hugs from Toronto.
Sophia, I hope you’re having a lovely birthday.
To you both… when you’ve invested a lot in a relationship, it’s hard to let go. You guys seem to be in a painful limbo. Maybe that’s what working things out looks like though. Whatever the outcome, I wish the best for you both.
Aw, Neil. This post breaks my heart. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing okay, and I hope Sophia has a nice birthday.
Love is so hard sometimes. I wish you both the best.
Happy B-day Sophia, bless ya Neil.
So sorry to hear about all this Neil. I know you love Sophia, and I hope everything works out.
Happy Birthday Sophia!
Oh, Neil. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been going through this. I hope things get better soon.
And Happy Birthday to Sophia.
Well, it’s never dull coming over here to COTM, is it? I trust you guys will get over this bad patch and many happy birthday wishes to the always lovely Sophia