Citizen of the Month » Say Hello to Brenda, My Therapist

Say Hello to Brenda, My Therapist

Hi, Brenda. If it is Tuesday afternoon, this means that we are just sitting down at your computer and looking at my blog together for the first time. This was the idea, right? That you, as my therapist, might better understand me by exploring the world of my writing online.

(Say hello to Brenda)

Subjects to discuss: the ups and downs of my relationship with Sophia, being passive/being assertive, being co-dependent, my insecurity and fear of success, and my neurotic need to be people-pleasing.

I have plenty of posts on all of these subjects.

And if you start reading my archives, I want to apologize for the one post a few months ago where I said that an hour therapy session being only fifty minutes was a major rip-off. I understand that you use those extra ten minutes to write notes (or catch the end of Oprah).

That was a joke. I wasn’t being passive-aggressive. Really. You’re great.

Tags: life, Life in General, therapy

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43 Comments so far
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Hi, Brenda!

I kinda think a ton of people would love to have Brenda’s job. Frankly, I would listen to you an hour a week for free.

I would also probably give you hideous advice and zero help in the analysis department, but hey! Think of the money you would save!

My legs suck ass though, so it probably wouldn’t work out nearly as well for you.

Grin.

Howdy Brenda! Welcome to the nabe…

Brenda, Be sure Neil shows you the photos that illustrate that his WIFE looks an awful lot like his MOTHER. I think this affects his relationships with both women, and of course improving one’s relationships with women is the most important goal of therapy, right?

Hi Brenda!

Neil tells us you have great legs.

Hello Brenda. Isn’t all life therapy in some way? well thats my moms theory.

Thanks for helping out Neil. He is admired around these parts.

hello brenda, welcome to neil’s neutoric blog. as you’re reviewing his previous posts, remember, he did come to you for help, isn’t that the first step?

Welcome Brenda! Thanks for helping Neilochka. He’s very special to a lot of people, not only in RL (Real Life), but in the blogosphere.

Dear Brenda,
Neil doesn’t give himself enough credit. He’s a pretty awesome guy.
Also, maybe wear pants so he will listen to you.
Karen

Why does it not surprise me that your therapist has a crystal ball?

is your therapist really reading this? wow… what a cool job.

Hi Brenda.
Glad you’re around and doing what you can to help Neil self-actualize. We just want him to be happy. Be sure and read the penis posts. They’re hilarious.
Good luck!

Brenda– Well, I’ve heard of the lucky few who are paid to WRITE blogs… but you’re definitely an elite, even among these. Now you’re paid to READ them!

(Aside to Neil: If you want new readers, it’s cheaper to just put up a link at Digg or something, m’kay?)

Well Brenda Neil is not only letting you into his head he is also letting you into his blog world. Put on your seatbelt…it will be a wild ride!

Hi Brenda! Can we split your fee every time you tell Neil something I already told him for free?

This isn’t for Brenda (Hi, Brenda!), but Neil: You’re either the bravest or craziest person I know. When I want to cajole my brother into doing something, I often threaten to reveal the URL of his blog to our mother. If he had a therapist, I might extend the threat to include that person as well.

Good luck to both of you (?)!

You are an incredibly brave man Mr. Kramer.

Hi Brenda. My therapist wouldn’t read my blog, so good for you!

Hello Brenda!

Hi, Brenda. Welcome to Neil’s world.

Hi Mom!

Bren-da!! Welcome.

Tell us Brenda. Is he textbook??

I don’t know, Brenda. He strikes me as being very unstable. Perhaps we need to discuss his medication.

Thanks,
Concerned Reader

You are a much braver soul than I. I would never let a therapist know this much about me. And no, Brenda, I do not need more therapy.

Except for the part about Sophia, your list sounds like my weekly therapy agenda. Have you been sneaking into my sessions?

(Your therapist looks like Jane Russell. Hot.)

I’m very interested in hearing what she has to say about all of this. Will she be commenting or posting an interview?

Hi Brenda!

Do you know my therapist? Her name is Elaine.

(chuckling at aimee)
my theory is that all blogs start anonymous but eventually your real personality asserts itself and you reveal yourself.
there; that was for free.

Hi Brenda! How much do you charge to read blogs? do you read French by any chance? Can I barter? I can write summaries of Neil’s blogposts and charge you by the hour or whatever other goods I have to offer.

Hey Brenda!

Hope you have a good time showing off your blog, Neil!

Brenda Brenda Bo Benda, Fanana Fanna Fo Fenda

Gosh, that’s such an unexpected name for a therapist. And she uses the extra ten minutes to jot down what she needs to talk to her therapist about after your sessions.

Howdy, Brenda!

Neil, you are one brave mofo.

Hello Brenda!

Be extra nice to Neil. We crazies out here in the wilds of the Internet like him.

Well, that’s a new approach. I love how you’re already justifying

I voted, now I’m off to her!

Hi Brenda - please don’t break Neil… or stop him listening to his penis. It’s almost as funny as the rest of him! Neil - you really are a marvel!

Dear Brenda,

When you’re done analyzing Neil, would you like to start on the rest of us? Really, there’s a whole world of blogs as therapy out there. Maybe one of us could even interview you.

Sincerely,

NPW

Hi Brenda, Please know that all of us (Neil’s loyal readers) would be happy to come in for a “family session” if you need help understanding Neil on a deeper level.

I don’t know, I feel very stressed reading this. Eek. Good luck, Neil!

Dear Brenda,

It burns when I p–…oh…wait. Sorry. Different kind of doctor. I’ll get back to you about all of my emotional issues later.

It went well. I think she was a little more tentative than I was, wanting to make sure that this was helping me, and that I just wasn’t showing he posts to entertain or woo her favor. More later.

But I think she was flattered that I made her into a “character.”

Having your therapist read your blog is really creepy. It’s like having your parents read your blog…oh wait, mine do.

Neil, please let me know what you learn about being a neurotic people-pleaser. All I’ve ever figured out is that it has to do with me being an only child. :p

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Neil Kramer is a writer in Los Angeles (well, New York now). Citizen of the Month is his blog. Make yourself at home.

Email and IM:
neilochka at yahoo dot com

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