Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Meditative Monday

1.

See Sophia.   She is stressed.   Sophia wants to de-stress. 

Sophia downloads “meditation MP3s” from the internet.   Sophia puts on her headset and de-stresses with the sounds of the waves.

2.

See Neil.  Neil is stressed.  Neil wants to de-stress.  Neil wants to go online and fantasize about half-naked female bloggers. 

Neil notices that Sophia has downloaded her “meditation MP3” from a mysterious “Russian site” that has infected the computer with various “worms.” 

Neil is now VERY STRESSED.

3.

See Sophia.  Sophia lies in bed with her eyes closed, visualizing the ocean.  She is unstressing.

Relax, Sophia, Relax!

4.

See Neil.  Neil sits in front of a computer monitor for five hours, waiting the “progress bars” of  virus-scanners and “hijack stoppers” slowly moving millimeter by millimeter.   Oddly enough, the blue-tinted “progress bars” are hypnotic.  After Neil’s eyes become blurry, the progress bars appear as bluebirds flying across the landscape of a Costa Rican beach.

Relax, Neil, Relax!

28 Comments

  1. Ugh! I hope you were able to debug the computer… and that you and Sophia are adequately destressed.

    Thanks for the kind words. Pray for me at 9am Tuesday.

    Thanks again, I really appreciate it.

  2. Have some Frosted Flakes. You’ll feel better.

  3. i went to a catholic school, instead of jane and dick running, it was mary and john reading. the russian version of sophia and neil stressing makes for an interesting read:)

  4. See Jazz.
    See Jazz try to comment.
    See Jazz open and close Neil’s blog 4 times before it works.
    See Jazz forget her comment.
    Comment Jazz, Comment

  5. Maybe all computers should get a virus now and then, just to keep them on their toes?

  6. So when are you going to switch to a mac?

    Keep breathing and visualizing, you two.

  7. I have just the thing to relax you. Just lay back and close your eyes…

    You want the rest you’ll have to come and get it. 😉

  8. It sounds like you’re both stoned. Which is fine. I’m just sayin’.

  9. More likely too much diet coke.

  10. After having a virus chew up my hard drive and spit it out, I’ve become the paranoid girl who doesn’t download anything. It’s not very relaxing actually! 🙂

  11. Fixing computer bugs are annoying. But with a MAC you don;t have that problem. Sigh I love my MAC! De-stress guys sending the vibes to you!

  12. Where is your anti-virus software? No software no downloads unless positively safe.

  13. You know that all women blog without any pants on, right?

  14. bluebirds flying across the landscape of a Costa Rican beach

    Nice mental picture. Hang in there, breath deeply and maybe put a shot of whiskey in the diet coke.

    We (the Slowskis) just made the switch from dial up to broadband and now I’m stressing because it is always on, allowing those internet hackers and virus spreaders to infect at 10 times the speed. My boys love it and I can’t believe how much faster it is.

  15. I don’t drink Diet Coke. Unless it has Captain Morgan in it. Which is very relaxing, by the way.

  16. And why fantasize only about half-naked female bloggers? Issues, Neil? Issues?

  17. Oy vey, I am now way more stressed then I was prior to reading your post. And I was pretty stressed.

    They should make a magnet with “Relax, Neil, Relax. See Neil Relax” on it. (Check out my post and you’ll get the reference.)

  18. Hmmm…How’s about:
    Meditative Monday
    Tranquil Tuesday
    Wired Wednesday
    THONG Thursday
    Frisky Friday
    Sedate Saturday
    Superlative Sunday

  19. Two Roads — I had anti-virus and a firewall on. This worm, some variation of the “Beagle worm” is really evil, but sort of fascinating. It disables the anti-virus, doesn’t let you install another one, and seems to duplicate itself if you try to delete some of the hidden files. If found out this info by using Trend Micro’s online virus scan, which is a pretty cool application.

    Sadly the popular Adaware, found nothing, while this program found 65 hidden files. But the computer is totally screwed up. Ten more minutes, I’m giving up and just reinstalling. (or just using my own computer)

    Something that was relaxing — listening to music on last.fm all weekend while working. Thank you Jurgen Nation, Lynnster, and Muttering Muse for letting me listen to your eclectic radio stations.

    And you Mac peoiple — what snobs!

    Pearl — I’m looking forward to your post on Thursday.

  20. This is why I don’t download music off the internet. Don’t forget to try Spybot too to find hidden files. I have a love/hate relationship with computers and btw, MACs are no better – it just has different issues.

  21. well…at least Sophia is doing okay…heh.

  22. You both need some good porn.

  23. Destress. Get a Mac. Virus-what? Ha!

  24. Haven’t done the truth quotient for a while.

    Truth quotient:

    1, 2, 4 – about 95%

    3. – 0%

    3. should go something like this:

    See Sophia. Sophia is crouching over her laptop for 12 hours, with her eyes barely open, because she needs to finish a big translation project before her surgery. She is visualizing two large screens she could have openned her documents on at the same time, if only her Neilochka paid real money for some very good virus program. She is unstressing. Not.

    Relax, Sophia, Relax!

  25. All true meditation and stress reduction descends from the classic movie Karate Kid.

    Wax on. Wax off. Don’t forget to breathe.

    Hope both your stressors are temporary and that the next surgery goes great.

  26. I love the truth quotient. I think we should see this more often.

  27. Whiskey and massages always help me relax.

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