Dear Emily Blogpost

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Dear Emily Blogpost,

I’m a male blogger who lives in the Los Angeles area.  Recently, it was my birthday, and I received cards and gifts from other bloggers.  Today I started writing “thank you” emails.  Things started out well.  I sent four emails, but then I suddenly stopped, feeling myself going into a panic.  Sweat poured down onto my shirt.  What was the problem?  I feared that I had made a terrible mistake in blog etiquette. 

I quickly reread my notes and it was just as I had feared —  at the end of each note I signed things off at the end as, “Love, Neil.” 

Now, while I am fond of these bloggers, I’m not sure I actually “love” them in the traditional sense.  I probably was overdoing the literary hyperbole, which is a frequent problem of mine as a writer.  When I used the word “love,” I hoped to convey a friendly fondness, much like a person can love a cat, or a bowl of Fruit Loops.  I hope that this “love” is not misinterpreted by others to mean “I am now stalking you” or “I know your bra size is 36D and I think about you when I caress the Bali Bras at Target,” or “meet me in the Westin at LAX, room 1201 on Saturday at 3PM so we can **** for a couple of hours on Westin’s trademarked signature Heavenly Bed (with ten layers of comfort!).

Perhaps I should just stop writing, “Love, Neil” on my thank you notes. especially to other men.  I thought about ending each email by saying, “Your friend, Neil,” but that seems lame, as if we hang out together and play Texas Hold Em on Thursday Nights or go to see action movies together.   “Your Blog Associate, Neil” is even worse, because it sounds like some new-fangled job description at Google.

Eh, maybe I’ll just go back to “Love, Neil” and hope someone hot misinterprets it and shows up at the Westin.

Emily Blogpost, please help!

Loves Too Much

P.S. — In a sidenote, while we were travelling, Sophia and I found it amusing that hotels still don’t have 13th floors in 2007.  Isn’t this the silliest superstition to have in modern times?  You can bring a hooker to your room, but can’t sleep on the 13th Floor?  Why not just ban mirrors and black cats?  Hell, Sophia and I got MARRIED on October 13th!

A Year Ago on Citizen of the MonthMeeting Barry at Canter’s

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43 Responses to Dear Emily Blogpost

  1. deezee says:

    Ending those letters…challenging. The newest (and so not a favorite of mine) is ‘best.’ Why does just not sit with me? I’m very freewheeling with the ‘love’ sign off…

  2. There’s always “cheers,” or “peace,” or “thanks again” or just “Neil.”

    Eh, throw caution to the wind. Go for the ‘love,’ Neil. Maybe someone will show up at the Westin. Probably not. We still love you in a “blog associate” kind of way.

  3. Maliavale says:

    Did you ever notice there’s no 13th MONTH either?!?! What about THAT, hmm?! Wacky, I tell you.

  4. Finn says:

    What’s the address at the Westin?

    Love and other indoor sports,
    Finn

  5. Pearl says:

    Dear Neil,

    How about something formal, like: “I remain…Neil Kramer”!

    “Cheers”/”Ciao”/”Ciao for now”/”Fondly”/ “Your blog pal”/”Warmly”/
    “Shalom” — these all work too.

    I actually got an email once from you signed off with “Love, Neil.” It made me pause and wonder, but put a sweet smile on my face nonetheless.

    Always & forever,
    Pearl

  6. Bre says:

    In retrospect, I tend to scrawl a heart-looking thing and then sign my name… so… uhm… if I did? I’m not stalking you either.

  7. buzzgirl says:

    I use “sincerely.” Is that lame? No one else suggested it, so I think it may be :(

  8. Dave2 says:

    It’s nice to know that you and Sophia have the kind of understanding whereas hookers can be invited to your room. I am terribly jealous, as all of my relationships now seem to have been antiquated and stale.

  9. gorillabuns says:

    how about forever your humble servant?

  10. Alison says:

    You could always use one of those ass-kissing French closing lines. Like, please receive, Madame, the expression of my distinguished salutations.

    On the other hand, GorillaBuns had a good idea.

    Love,

  11. churlita says:

    My ex-boyfriend used to write, “Love and energy”. Sure, he was kind of a hippie, but the energy wishes might come in handy to the person who meets you at the Westin.

  12. I think I might be a little bit psychic. I was thinking of this earlier today. I can be a little warm and cuddly sometimes, and I have to specifically think about it to avoid signing off with “love” to people I hardly know. Anyway, I think it’s sweet that you do that.
    xo,

  13. Em says:

    I was born on a Friday 13th, yes my mother blames me for all sorts!

  14. V-Grrrl says:

    Thank goodness I’m not the 13th comment. That was a close call. I may sleep with a black cat every night, but I’m not reckless.

    Did you ever consider that getting married on the 13th is THE reason you’re married but separated or married but single-ish or half married– whatever the heck you are?

    And in other paranormal news, when I got up this morning I actually thought of you and your birthday and Emily Post.

    And as for me, I often sign my blogosphere correspondence “Virtually yours,” because you know, I AM.

    But I also spread the love around–so give it to me Neil, give it to me!

    Ever your link whore,

    V

  15. kapgar says:

    If you happen to sign off a thank you e-mail to me with “Love, Neil,” I won’t hold it against you. But if we run into each other some day and I hug you, you’ll know why.

  16. alissa says:

    My parents got married on Friday the 13th of April and they’re still together!

    Love,
    Alissa

  17. Ash says:

    I got married once on June 13th. Hmm. I suppose it doesn’t count because it was in 1992 and I was 18.

    I didn’t sign my email to you ‘love Ash’, but you did sign yours to me ‘Love Neil’.

    See you at the Westin!

  18. Dagny says:

    I usually just sign my name.

  19. Margaret says:

    I like Love Slave

  20. Rhea says:

    I think “Cheers” is nice.

  21. NSC says:

    I’m hot, but I ain’t showing up at the Westin unless Sophia is there and you agree to no male-male touching.

  22. Jazz says:

    Dear Loves too much,

    Maybe, if you’re so afraid to be mininterpreted you should just sign, Neil.

    On the other hand, I don’t think people are insane enough to think you actually do love them with a capital L.

    PS: But was it FRIDAY the 13th. And if people are that superstitious, why not just ask for another floor?

  23. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    How about signing off with ‘Your loving friend, Neil’ or ‘Sexiness personified, Neil’ or ‘I’m a jaguar in bed, Neil’ or ‘Dude, just sign the card however you want, it’s the gesture that matters, my God, relax, Neil’.

    Love,
    Jason

  24. Tuck says:

    You can always go with “Love (the non-sexy kind), Neil”. Personally, when I second-guess my use of Love in a closing, I cop out to “Love to all, XXX”. Neil, only the manliest of men cry. I suspect it is the same with using “Love”….go for it!

  25. BA says:

    “All my best,” It’s personal, touching, but avoids the “L” word. It’s the way to go.

    And even if you keep “Love,” don’t worry, I know you mean it in a totally hetro way…

  26. psychomom says:

    Dear Neil,
    Please stay out of Target, you perve.
    Love,
    Psychomom

  27. Dana says:

    Not “Blog Associate.” It sounds like you’re only in it for the commission.

  28. Hilly says:

    I usually put “Love, Hilary” or whatever form of my name I happen to be using at the time, heh.

    It depends on the other person a lot. I think the word “love” had become less intensive in these here internet days where everyone “puffy hearts” everyone else.

  29. mrsatroxi says:

    I was BORN on October the 13th.

    AND it was a Friday.

    That possibly explains a lot.

  30. Pants says:

    I’ve replaced the traditional “Regards,” in my business autosignature with “Naked and waiting,”. I get a much faster response now.

  31. Lux Lisbon says:

    Just sigh it “Best”

  32. Ellen Bloom says:

    One of my favorite ways to close an e-mail to a person I’m fond of, but not “in love” with….
    Hugs!
    Ellen

  33. Neil says:

    Hugs?! C’mon, Ellen, I can’t use that one without changing my sexual orientation.

  34. i always sign off with “hugs and kisses”, it’s become my trademark for people i know and i know you, at least in my mind. i wouldn’t be offended by you signing “love neil”, but if you’re really concerned you could always change it to “love neurotic neil”.
    hugs and kisses…Jane

  35. V-Grrrl says:

    Pants’ comment made me laugh out loud.

    LOVE that.

  36. lizriz says:

    Go with the Internet dork sign-off of the new millenium:

    /Neil

  37. Karl says:

    How about: “Love (but not in the getting married kind of way), Neil.”

    Or “Warm and fuzzily, Neil”

    “Hotly yours, Neil”

    “Thinking of you with great fondness, Neil”

    “Feel lucky you heard from me, Neil”

  38. Two Roads says:

    I like the British saying: “keep your pecker up” as a good sign off. I think Neil’s Penis would approve too even though the meaning is different from what you are thinking.

  39. Roberta says:

    When I am trying to express excitement, like in a follow-up to a job interview, I go with

    Moistly yours,

    Roberta Lipp

    (try it!)

  40. sbukophile says:

    Dearest Neil,

    I go for “best” “best wishes” or “warm wishes”. I think these are sophisticated yet caring sign-offs. I don’t think I take the “love” sign-off seriously from anyone anymore–so overused (but of course sweet). A past co-worker would sometimes sign her emails to the whole office with “love”. She was a real crack -up so it was quite funny.

  41. Jenn says:

    Just send your love! We can take it!

  42. Sedulia says:

    In China, people are superstitious about the number four because si, the word for four, is the same sound as the word “to die.” So hotels not only have no thirteenth floor, but no fourth floor, either!

  43. kenzo says:

    I always use sincerely because I sincerely write my blogs, letters and emails ;) I’m starting my blogpost http://evoire.com/members/shockware2/ and I hope you guys can drop by and tell me what you think. thanks!

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