Citizen of the Month » You Better Vote Twice Today

You Better Vote Twice Today

In honor of Election Day, Heather Anne Hogan has created her own mini-election, revolving around bloggers and blogging. After the nominating process, it seems as I have been nominated for President, along with the introspective Peefer (of Peefer’s Home) and long-time rival Brandon (of One Child Left Behind).

I am truly honored.

You can vote here. Remember to check out all the other cool blogs listed there.

And vote in the REAL ELECTION! It’s an important election day.

Now, as a candidate, I am going to be different than most politicians, and speak the truth.

I “know” both of these other gentleman bloggers and they are worthy nominees. Peefer is a loving, creative family man, and I’m sure he would never have gotten us into the mess in Iraq. Brandon is also strong on family values. He would make the most inspirational speeches since FDR. His words are like poetry. I believe he would be an excellent “Education” President. He also has the movie-star good looks to attract female voters.

I am financially unstable and separated from my wife, although I still live with her in some “weird” California-hippy-new age arrangement. I spend much of my day conversing with my penis. I don’t know much about politics. If i were to move into the White House, I would be SO CAUGHT as I’m f***ing a buxom intern in the “Red Room,” disgracing the office and the Presidency.

On a positive note, I would try my hardest to give her an orgasm. I am not a selfish man. Oh, and I will give tax breaks to everyone.

The choice is yours. Just remember to vote, both in the Hoagies and in the REAL ELECTION.

Tags: Election Day, the Hoagies

29 Comments so far
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i am, unfortunately, disenfranchised.

but this should in NO WAY keep anyone else from voting. in fact, once y’all elect your congresspersons, please turn around and write your congresspersons to DEMAND that the ONE MILLION citizens of your nation’s capital get congressional representation post haste!

or, at the very least, that i don’t have to pay income taxes any more.

/end rant

Hey, promise me an orgasm too and you’ve got my vote…

neil, my friend, i have formally withdrawn my nomination, and although i initially threw my support behind peefer, your kind words have made me reconsider what was likely a hasty decision, whose only explanation might be my irrational adulation of all things canuck.

oh, and i’m glad to hear we’re rivals. i thought dan from the daily dump was my only rival, and we recently settled our differences together the way honest, decent men do: getting blitzed with two hot women who aren’t our significant others.

drinks are on me next time i’m in town!

Now this sounds like an election I can get excited (pun intended) about. Sounds like the candidate pool is qualified in many of the same ways as our current leaders. Go blue!

When they unearth that video of Kramer dancing with his mop, it’s sure to sink the whole campaign.

Tax breaks for everyone?

You turncoat!

I smell favoritism.

At least you’ve got your priorities straight.

For the record, I don’t make enough money to need a tax break. On the other hand…

“A chicken in every pot, an orgasm for every intern.”

That’s a slogan I could get behind. Now, how does one become an intern?

All the intern hopefuls will vote for you for sure!

well, if i had time for two erections, i mean elections… heh.

good luck soldiers… and why aren’t their women candidates?

I hate not having a rival. Getting blitzed alone is losing its intrigue.

[hiccup]

we have a municipal election coming up (for mayor and school board trustees) and i’ll be voting, as will my husband and oldest daughter.

I voted in the real election, but I’m not sure I want to venture out to blogland presidential voting. Besides, where are the annoying political ads stuffing my mailbox, or the more annoying phone calls at dinner time?? And hell, you’re way TOO nice to your opponents … where’s the nasty, mudslinging remarks??

Okay, I would be thrilled to sit and watch Peefer, Neil and Brando trading mudslings. It would be the funniest, raunchiest campaign ever. Now, where do I sign up for that orgasm, uh, I mean, where do I sign up to become an intern?

I’d vote for you in exchange for an orgasm! Where do I sign up?

I have to vote for a guy who talks to his penis. That trumps a speech writer - I’m worried he might be a political speech writer, and the other guy is a Canadian. No voting for Canadians till they stop saying Ay and charging less for their Icewine…

What I want to know is, are you going to cave into the demands of the special interest blogs???

who’re you proposing for cabinet members?

Ah, the good old days when there was sex AND brains in the White House.

“president-elect neil kramer of the total orgasmatron party said he would appoint a cabinet consisting partly of fellow bloggers.”

who would they be?

There are no female candidates even for President of Blogs?!

You’ve got my vote Neil! We’ll never have another president that would admit to talking to their appendages. The only problem is, she doesn’t have a button or comment link that lets me vote for you!

Only one intern? You have to set your sites higher than that.

Dating Dummy — You send her an email! Remember that old fashioned thing… called email…

I spy Bertie Aherne in that picture!

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Neil Kramer is a writer in Los Angeles (well, New York now). Citizen of the Month is his blog. Make yourself at home.

Email and IM:
neilochka at yahoo dot com

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