Pee Like a Man!

manneken_pis3.jpg
(Manneken Pis in Brussels)

Men, let’s be honest.  Women online are selfish. We  care about their issues — body image, fashion, mommyblogging, etc., but when it comes to OUR issues, they are strangely silent. How else do you explain the lack of outcry on this story from Norway?

The head of The Democrats Party, a splinter group of former Progress Party hardliners, Vidar Kleppe, is outraged that boys at Dvergsnes School in Kristiansand have to sit and pee.

Kleppe accuses the school of fiddling with God’s work, and wants the matter discussed at the executive committee level of the local council, newspaper Dagbladet reports.

“When boys are not allowed to pee in the natural way, the way boys have done for generations, it is meddling with God’s work,” Kleppe told the newspaper.

… [School Principal Anne Lise] Gjul told NRK (Norwegian Broadcasting) that the young boys are simply not good enough at aiming, and the point was to have a pleasant toilet that could be used by both boys and girls.

Can you imagine the humiliation that boys in Norway are going through? Why do we send troops to Iraq and not Norway? Is there anything more central to being a man than the joy of standing there, taking aim, and peeing? What boy wants to sit like a girl?

No wonder why Europeans are turning into a bunch of wusses.

I believe this is another step towards world domination by feminists. Does it surprise you that it it is School Principal ANNE Lise Gjul who is destroying the manliness of Norwegian men, a country once so famous for it’s virile men that a song was written about them — Norwegian Wood?

Pretty soon, I fear that men will be put into metal cages and President Hillary Clinton will sign a bill enabling women to marry their vibrators.

“Do you, Susan, take this pink vibrator…”

Things are especially bad in Europe.   Did you notice the statue of Manniken Pis (little boy peeing) that I showed at the top of the post?   Apparently, he isn’t good enough being Brussel’s long-time city’s trademark.

jeanneke_pis02.jpeg

In 1987 this statue of a girl urinating (Jeanneke Pis) was erected on the east side of the Impasse de la Fidélité / Getrouwheidsgang (Faith Alley), a narrow dead-end street some 100 metres long leading northwards off the restaurant-packed Rue des Bouchers / Beenhouwersstraat (Butchers’ Street). Now parents tell little boys that they have a “choice” over which method is more appropriate, but usually add that only “Americans” and “bad men” pee standing up and “peace-lovers” sit like a woman.”

I say, enough is enough.  It isn’t our fault that we can’t aim very well.

Years ago, when men were really men, we used to shoot animals with bows and arrows and guns. We achieved our aiming skills through ACTION. Now “feminists” have decided that “hunting” and “killing” are bad for society. Is it any wonder we piss on the seat? Mothers teach their daughters about having their first period.  Fathers DO NOT teach their sons how to pee.

Men, I say it is time to turn back the clock against the feminizing of society. I want you, whether you or at home or at work, to STAND UP — Yes, right NOW, stand up, proudly walk to the bathroom, pull down your zipper with a sense of purpose, and take a PISS! Take that PISS standing up! Feel the cool Fall air. Listen to the sound the water, so much like the mighty Colorado River. Feel a bond with men throughout history — Abraham Lincoln, Alexander the Great, Douglas MacArthur — all men who urinated standing up. Yes, even Adam peed standing up in the Garden of Eden. Shout it out loud, “I am a man and I take a PISS standing up!”

You’re a man, for god sakes. Pee like one!

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84 Responses to Pee Like a Man!

  1. rach says:

    I can pee standing up too, yet I choose not to. It’s comfier sitting down. No right or wrongs on that one. When it comes to female bloggers however, we talk about stuff, important to us, and I would love to hear the boys stuff but it’s not really out there for us to read and understand. Come on boys, blog with honesty, like Neilochka, let us read what you are thinking. Great post, want to get more contoversial but 1am is not the time to be getting into it.

  2. Michael says:

    i’m typing my comments by standing over the keyboard and pissing on the keys. yeah, my aim is that good

  3. Neil says:

    Michael, I guarantee you that every man is going to be laughing at that joke and every woman is going, “Yuch, disgusting.”

  4. Erin says:

    I’m so jealous…. I wish I had the option of standing and peeing. Like when you’re out doors, or wearing control top panty hose… it would be so much easier to whip it out as opposed to the de-layering/squatting thing.

  5. echo says:

    I lived in Belgium for two years and I found Mannekin Pis to be a major let down, he’s really small. I always felt sorry for the tourists that rushed to take “clever” pictures of themselves with the little mannekin. There are so many more interesting and beautiful things to see…time would be better spent drinking a nice glass of Duvel than visiting either of the pissing kids.

  6. jleeody says:

    I was inspired by your, well, inspiring words. With a song in my heart, I marched into the bathroom, dropped my pants and peed.
    Then to my shame and dissapointment realized that, being female, the erect urination is not really the best or dryest way to show support.

    Great post

  7. Felicity says:

    Neil, Not only was he shamefully dreadful in bed, but he MISREPRESENTED himself by telling me beforehand that he was GOOD in bed. He lied, utterly.
    And about that splashing stuff…my brother taught my son to flush WHILE peeing, because what creates the splash is urinating into standing water. If the water’s moving, the splash doesn’t occur.

  8. Neil says:

    Being a man of science, I just tried the experiment, Felicity. It sort of works, but you really feel rushed — and you end up having to flush twice, making it a real water waster and not very environmentally sound. Maybe someone can invent a perpetually rotating toilet contraption to keep the water spinning, like an electric eggbeater inside the toilet — as a way to save countless mothers from cleaning after their sons.

  9. plain jane says:

    Neil…Neil…Neil…you are letting down your feminist fan club. “…save countless mothers from cleaning after their sons.”????? As other have said, give them a cleaning cloth and let them do it themselves. Or let those “poor excuse for a coach” dads do the cleaning.

  10. Jeff says:

    Don’t forget that they also make us put down seat when we are done. Why do we have to touch the seat?

  11. kimananda says:

    Hmmm…actually I seem to recall a product called Pee Shooters, which were some sort of target things to be aimed at while peeing standing up (sort of like Becky’s suggestion of using Cheerios, but more formally packaged/marketed). I never used them myself, of course, but I believe that my mother and another woman trained my brother to use them. How’s that for breaking stereotypes? Don’t ask for any details, as I did not participate in the training in any way.

  12. Neil says:

    Cheerios in the toilet? Targets? Did anyone ever think that maybe men are supposed to piss all over the place as a terrritorial sign, like a dog does in the street. I don’t hear women complaining about their cute little dog when he goes…

  13. Another good topic for Neil to riff on: the whole piss/pee thing. Real men need to take a piss. Women pee. Men who talk about pee-ing instead of pissing are either reverting to five-years old or have already had the cojones removed.

    What is it about the word “piss” that so many don’t like?

  14. milos says:

    absolutely damn right. I’m off to piss all over my toilet seat.

    amazing colours in the other pics

  15. Barnesy says:

    I understand women’s wishes for us to sit while pissing, but I hate it when my knob dangles in the water or wipes against the side of the bowl. Surely I’m likely to catch some awful disease or virus?

  16. Neil says:

    Michael, I think “piss” sounds too aggressive and macho.

  17. Jason says:

    EEEKKK!!! What’s this world comin to? If some ole principal told me I had to sit down to pee…I imagine he or she…better move outta the way cuz I would probably just whip it out and pee on THEM right there!

    By the way? How is this rule being enforced? Makes you wonder if you do not have some kinda female in the boys bathroom molesting children for “not aiming right.” I would show them how to “aim” alright!

  18. Joe says:

    How thou’st thy pee in a stream or in a drip?

    A stream shall I cry!
    For in drip I must wipe?

    Pity thy pee.
    For standing tall is my call.

  19. Markus says:

    All sexist feminists can burn in hell for their anti-male policies and hatred.

  20. maitresse says:

    Well if Norway wants boys to pee like girls, Italy and France want girls to pee like boys– there are no seats, so we all have to stand. (And Turkey wants us all to pee like animals)

    But in private– I know many French men who sit. Because they’re lazy gits!

  21. Dad says:

    I teach my boys to pee standing up by giving them a target for aiming. Cheerios, an American breakfast staple for over 80 years, float in the toilet bowl. Makes great fun for a little boy and helps him him practice good marksmenship.

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  23. Ali says:

    What a topic you guys are discussing about, peeing standing up or sitting down! So let me tell you some thing then, not bad if you know that in my culture the male people avoid peeing while standing! In my country it’s so, as my religion has recommended not to pee while standing, and to do it while sitting or squatting. I know there, they teach the kid when he can stand up, how to pee while standing, but it’s not so here. However, I am male and quite healthy, but I don’t pee while standing. You should consider that there are many different ways and theologies around the world.

    To my own, peeing while standing is a nasty actions, also it does not feet a man’s character, that’s like you imagine a respectable man standing up still some where, his penis is out and his piss line in front of him! Who made the rule that males MUST stand up while urinating? And don’t relate it to the nature, potentially many things are natural as an ability; one can bring it out (gun), aim and kill, but he has choosing power, although he has the ability, but he may not do it if he is sane; one can just bring it out, aim and piss, but does it mean he can not do it in a way but that?

    Why stand to pee? Why aim? Aiming is for the time when you are distant to your target and can’t be close to it, but when you can be close to it, and if you are sane, you prefer being close to your target than aiming to the target. So sit down and be relax, the name of the place you are doing that in, is rest room! And why you waste your time and energy in cleaning bathrooms? You can save it for more useful affairs by reducing the need of bathroom to be cleaned!

    As for those who say “peeing while standing is of a few pleasures of a man!”, I should say that a man is more valuable than way of peeing places as his pleasure and property! It does not fit a man to consider that as his worth! Men have more valuable special abilities to be mentioned! And as for those who say “peeing while standing is much easier than doing it while sitting or squatting”, I should say that bending over and pulling down pants, and keeping a part of panties down for a while and aim for a while both need an attempt; and the fact that which one is easier for a person depends on habit. The way in which one’s habit is based on, is easier for that one, and to which you habit, it will be easier for you! As God has made the ability of peeing while standing easily in guys, it must have an advantage, and yes it has. In men’s jobs some times urgent situations happen, and some times they have to do some thing in a short time when the speed is important, and some times men have situations that they can’t sit or squat or are in places where sitting or squatting is not easily possible; in such times they can use their ability of peeing while standing easily. But these urgent times just some times happen, not always! So I think there should be a project for men to stop, or to say better, manage peeing while standing. One group are already doing that and their site is: http://www.mapsu.org . As I mentioned, there are some occations when it’s needed to pee standing up, then it happens for both men and women! So what should women do? So easy, they can instantly pee standing up using a small device, one is here: http://www.travelmateinfo.com/page002.html .
    However, it will be great if the current way of peeing of guys in toilets and bathrooms, in the most parts of the world changes.

  24. Jane says:

    I feel so guilty now. You see, I was raised with all girls. I was naive. I had no idea that men peed standing up, and since my experience with men was limited (two). . .well, there’s really no good excuse, is there? But I taught my son to pee sitting down. I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THE ANCIENT CODE!

    He discovered the joys of standing up in kindergarten when he watched other boys do it, and he never reverted to sitting. I did, though, make him clean the toilet every week until he got so sick of it that his aim improved.

    I bet you’re sorry you made me a blog crush of the day now. Does my tremendous guilt mitigate the damages done?

  25. Neil says:

    You’re lucky he went to school, or you would have ruined him for life… and would have to spend a fortune in therapy. I’m glad he got the peeing position all set now.

  26. Becky Flanders says:

    You are hilarious! This ancient code is actually relatively modern. In many indigenous pre-imperialist cultures around the globe women have stood to urinate and men have squatted or various combinations of both methods. Either sex is perfectly capable of standing or sitting (without prosthesis, with equaly ability to hit a target the size of a toilet bowl or smaller). It still amazes me how ignorant people are to the difference between culture and biological function. Read Herodotus’s account of ancient Egypt. I’m only sorry I’m coming in on this discussion so late.

  27. Beelzebundt says:

    My boyfriend pees sitting down by choice. And he carries heavy stuff/wires things for a living AND is awesome in bed.

    And I think it’s hot. And I also don’t really think it matters.

  28. kaf says:

    Hey, this is great. I really, really love peeing outside and have done it since I was 12. Guys do not have to worry about aiming, just unzip and whip it out & go. Let it fall where it falls. Try to see how far or high you can shoot the stream.

  29. Kai says:

    Interesting…BUT, don’t you think this has become a gender based issue? One has to look at any issue from BOTH perspectives to fully understand the crux of the matter. In this case, you’re arguing that men can only urinate in one way…standing up. Yes, it’s natural. At the same time, it’s also EQUALLY natural to sit down and urinate. Let’s face it. Most men don’t have a good aim, nor care for it. In fact, some don’t even bother lifting the toilet seat, which I find quite disgusting. If you have to sit down to do a #2, regardless whether you’re male or femaile, you dont’ want to sit on a urine soaked toilet seat. You’d have to always wipe it off (and even then, it’s still not hygienic).

    Let’s get real. There are other more important issues at hand.

    Basically, weigh both pros and cons and decide what works the best.

  30. Skell says:

    If you’re worried about having your masculinity stripped by urinating sitting down, you are no man. I never hear woman complaining of having their femininity stripped. Do you know why? Because women don’t give a shit. They’re happy in either anthropomorphic role. Men are forced into one from birth and if they don’t fit it, they are told they should feel humiliated and small.

    It’s all too easy to make a man feel like less of a man. Grow some bollocks! The women have done it and now they stand to pee if they feel like it too.

  31. Skell says:

    @Jason on 10.12.06 11:51 pm

    Sounds like you have some masculinity issues mate. Do you enforce your gender by keeping your bedroom plastered with page 3 girls and only wear man colours like blue and dark green? =D

  32. Dont be Beech says:

    Oh come on people what the hell is this all about? I can see there is a small hygiene issue which can be easily rectified. However this only occurs in unisex or home toilets.

    In all reality this is just another misguided feminist attack against men. In the general vain that woman are civilized and couth and men just are not so. Men piss standing up in general. End of, accept it. When a guy takes a piss he is usually near another guy or on his own. He is not pissing into the face of a young maiden as some ladies so belligerently put it. It is not aggressive or an assertion of machoism. It is just a guy taking a piss. We can get the job done easier than women can, thats is not sexist, it is biology.

    The femlae urethra is way shorter than that of a man, so it contains far less excess urine are micutitoin. This is the time when drops are left, not during the process of urinating. Women leave drops on the seat for gods sake and worse still they leave blood in the toilet or on the seat. Yes blood, not to mention those god awful jam rags that get left lying around. Nothing more foul than a puddle of dried cunt blood.

    Rather than hassling guys about unecessarily changing their urinating habits, why not spend more moeny making facilities that are friendlier to women. Or simply add more stalls to the female toilets so their lines are shorter.

    In essence, girls if this really bothers you leave the seat up. You have to use it not us so logic dictates you leave it out the way. Stop hassling us because pissing is a joy for guys and a seeming burden for girls.

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