I had been reading Sarcastic Fringehead for a few weeks. We even emailed each other with funny stories, but something was “off” about my visualization of her. There were details that didn’t fit. Finally, I asked her, “Are you a black woman?”
Yes, she was. She is. Was I wrong to ask her that?
One of the pleasures of blogging is that we can be invisible to each other and just focus on each others’ words and thoughts. We judge someone more on a clever line than how one looks or what “group” someone belongs to. Even we do include photos of ourselves, we don’t reveal many of the cultural or regional quirks that might separate us from each other.
While this lack of context can unite us, it can also make the blogosphere bland. I have no idea of the ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation of most of my fellow bloggers. Should it matter? Not really, but sometimes I wonder if my online life is LESS diverse than my real life. I thought of doing a demographic study, just for fun, but I was worried that someone would be upset. Even the hip New York city bloggers seem to live less in the real New York City, than in an all-white Orange County, circa 1969. I hope the blogosphere isn’t turning out to be like my high school cafeteria was, with everyone hanging out by ethnic and racial group.
I was actually excited to learn that Sarcastic Fringehead was black. Can someone please introduce me to a black mommyblogger?! I know it may not be fashionable to say so, but I like differences between people. I though it was funny when Rhea wrote in a comment that she would share my bed, even though she was a lesbian. I had no idea! How cool. Rather than separating us, I feel “closer” to her now, knowing this intimate fact (don’t worry, Rhea — I won’t get too close and ruin your lesbian credentials).
I love accents. I love Sophia’s accent. I love to hear the Southern accent of Laurie from Crazy Aunt Purl when she makes a video. After all, we all can’t speak proper Amercian English like we do in New Yawk.
Although I don’t consider myself a “Jewish blogger,” I haven’t been shy about babbling about Jewish stuff. In fact I do it so often, that Leesa from Montana is now fluent in Yiddish.
I think I’m even changing my mind about this year’s Survivor Maybe the race gimmick is a clever idea. By acknowledging our “differences,” maybe we can better see that at the core, there aren’t MAJOR differences — everyone who plays Survivor is as dumb and selfish as the next guy.
Last Friday, there was a special 20/20 on racial stereotypes. What struck me as the most interesting part of the program wasn’t that racism still exists, but how far we go to make believe there aren’t ANY differences at all.
In my post about colleges, I noticed that a few women are still upset about ex-Harvard Dean Lawrence Summers and his speech about women and science. Although he was quoted as saying “women thinkers were inferior to men thinkers,” he never actually said that. From Wikipedia:
In January 2005, Summers suggested at an economic conference that one reason there are fewer women than men in science and engineering professorships might be innate sex differences in the distribution of intelligence. The suggestion was that variation in intelligence (in particular with regard to science and math ability) is higher in males, resulting in a higher number of highly intelligent males, resulting in more men at the very high levels of “intrinsic aptitude” that scholarly jobs required. An attendee made his remarks public, and a firestorm followed in the national news media and on Harvard’s campus, which incorrectly implied that Summers argued that men are somewhat more intelligent than women on average.
20/20 brought up this issue, as well as the controversial subject of black athleticism. It was amusing to see coaches coming up with complicated reasons for why blacks predominate in sports — none of them having to do with genetics. Is it really racist to suggest that African bodies may be built differently? Or is it wrong to suggest that men might have a stronger instinct for spacial learning? How can anyone live with a woman for one day and say there aren’t fundamental differences?
Of course we are all individuals. I cry at movies more than Sophia, blowing that myth. I just think a total color blind attitude towards life — and the blogosphere — doesn’t really create the diverse society we are hoping for. Why shouldn’t there be differences among groups? Ignoring it doesn’t promote tolerance. If there are no cultural differences between us, than there is really nothing to tolerate. I’m all for making my part of the Blogosphere like Queens, NY rather than Newport Beach, CA.
So, yes, I will share a lesbian’s bed. As long as she doesn’t snore.
Update: Interesting case study about a website’s diversity. (via Petrona and Cognitive Daily)
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Anonymous Sources
Does WASP count as an ethnic group?
No?
Damn.
“Can someone please introduce me to a black mommyblogger?!”
Since we all seem to be coming out on your blog, have you found one, yet?
how about “I had a rare genetic disease a small child and have one nearsighted eye and freckles?”
I LOVE finding out about people online, and having my brain thumped when I find out they’re NOT what I thought they were. It’s excellent beyond most things to have horizons open up, even if it means having to cast off long-held notions (whether conscious or no).
I live in Portland, it is not very diverse except for the large population of gays and lesbians. I was born in the South with a lot of diversity but also a lot of tension. I miss the racial diversity but my closest friends span the range of racial diversity so I have it in some form or another.
For the record: White, Irish, Single Woman. No religious affiliation. Neil knew that already.
if you want to meet a black mommy blogger, i say do the thursday thirteen, with hundreds of participants, there’s bound to be one. i’m assuming you’ve got time to visit each and every one who plays.
i never read anyones personal details on their page, i prefer to find a style i like and get to know about them as i read. i actually read someone’s blog for many months before i realized he was a man.
Black mommybloggers
http://joyride.clubmom.com/
http://khatina.clubmom.com/
I know of more. I’ll add them later
Neil,
Great post. I went from the uber white neighborhoods of suburban PacNW to New York and your exactly right, trying to ignore differences makes you look stupid. People need to learn that recognizing is not the same as disrespecting.
Although the racial make-up of Columbia made me laugh.
http://www.mochamomma.com
black mommy blogger, which seriously, I had known of none until BlogHer.
I still have to remind my readers that I am in fact, black, they often forget. Especially my crazy, jewish male readers who think I’m asian. wtf?
I don’t have the time to read through all the other comments, but I agree with you. I don’t understand why being different seems to constitute being worse or less than something else. It’s almost to the point where acknowledging difference is the equivalent to acknowledging inferiority. I don’t personally agree with that, and I don’t think many people would agree with it either, and yet… that seems to be the general perception, doesn’t it?
I’m surprised you’ve never seen/read Chookooloonks before. Best black mommy blogger ever!
http://www.chookooloonks.com/chookooloonks/
Wow, thanks for opening up my horizons! Now I need to meet some bi-lingual Spanish speakers so I can practice my high school Spanish.
And as added proof that we are all the same — it is a fact that Asian mommybloggers do get the flu from their kids like everyone else. Feel better, Leese!
Me:
White (25%German 25%Dutch 25%Polish 25%Lithuanian)
Straight
Male
Married
1 Kid
Live 30 miles So. of Chicago, but it’s not technically considered a suburb, as we are so completely far away. More of a “farm community.”
Buddhist
I’m totally boring.
Californian WASP here.
My three most serious boyfriends have been (in order) Chinese, Indian, and Puerto Rican, the last two with names to match. My mom always asks me when I’m going to find a nice white boy and settle down. Why can’t I date a John, or a Robert?
Jader — Well, isn’t it obvious what you find sexy?
Neil,
Thanks for the (pretty much) compliment :- )
Yeah, I figure, why broadcast the weird in my title or description? No need to give that stuff away… let it slide out, bit by bit. And truly, I’m with you on this. I am so easy to categorize, but how? Mouthy Jewish girl? Wild hippie pagan?
Be surprised by me…
hmmm.. the weirdest part of moving to Boston was the segregation. Being from Atlanta, I am used to integration. Funny in the liberal north, I find a more stereotypical Southern environment. One of the only aspects of Atlanta I miss is the integration.
This was an awesome post and honestly, I have never thought about the cultural (or other) diversity of my blogging friends or anyhone in blogland for that matter. I guess because I live in such a diverse area, culturally and other, I just assume that everyone is “diverse” in some way. Does that make any sense??? ANyway….I did enjoy this post. I think you made a lot of people think. BTW…I’m just an average Canadian (now living in Michigan)…..that is about my only diverse feature.
mmariem3 — I felt the same way moving to the city! My little tiny southern town was way more integrated in so many ways than this big liberal city.
Mmariem3 — And Boston, home of so many universities, has an especially long history of being segregated. It’s funny how the South still has this reputation of being “racist,” when there is probably more interaction between the races there (both good and bad) than in the North.
Danny — I’m a Jewish-style blogger. A real Jewish blogger names his blog “Jew Eat Yet?”
I think that is one of the best gifts of the blogosphere—the opportunity to communicate with people who are so different from the folks in all of our self-imposed ghettos. I really love that diversity and have so enjoyed interacting with all sorts of people through blogging—even Republicans! (Sorry, Sophia, I’m just baiting you to get your attention, like with my previous comment about how smart Clinton is…)
Neil, you reallly don’t consider yourself a Jewish blogger? I see your Jewish perspective permeating every single post but then again, I’m hardly unbiased on the subject. And I understand why you don’t want to define yourself by labels.
So by my accent do you reckon I have freckles or not?
There should have been a smile after that last remark, so here it is, one remark late “:)”
great post neilochka. I want to be contoversial in my comments. It doesn’t matter if our conversants are any particular race, religion or creed. We do not judge their background or culture but just like their words, thoughts and writing. For example, would it matter if they were interacting with us from a state pen for serial crimes, or were all of a sudden, racist, sexist in their comments. Would we judge them for that and what would we do about it? Do we really take all people as equal, or is it until someone pisses us off, says something we dont like, then we would have to dis-blog them. Not my views just wanted to express a different opinion!
Rach — Someone’s background is completely different from someone’s actions — where I might want to dis-blog them. But it does bring up the problem of “judging” people solely on their writing. What if this convicted murderer actually writes some excellent blog posts? Would we still want to read them? That’s why it is dangerous to get crushes on actors or writers. Hasn’t anyone ever seen Amadeus? The most talented are often the biggest jerks.
By the way — this is the hip media’s attempt to be diverse: October’s Interview Magazine, with the title being “The Times They Are A-Changin’. Of course diversity means two sexy, light-skinned women (Catalina Moreno and Alicia Keys) surrounded with white actors — with no men of color at all. The Times are a-Changin’ — to what?!
Good post! A lot to think about. I find myself trying to be so politically correct whenever I talk about race/gender/cultural issues. Sometimes I think it’s all a huge minefield!
Rach brings up a good point. I think it would take a lot for me to dis-blog someone; they would have to directly offend me or hurt me in a bad way. I guess people all have secrets, pasts, things they are not proud of and are imperfect but if they write well, treat others with respect and are real with it….then I am there. I generally hate it when I find out that someone is not who they said they were….but I have to tell you, I met my husband online and some of my best friends through blogging; just like anything else, it takes time and trust.
Amazing post, Neil.
Queens is the most ethnically diverse county in the country, but if I knew it from TV, I would think that it’s a borough of fat men married to pretty women.
What I love about the blogosphere, though, is the friends I have made who never knew a Jew before, let alone a New York Jewish woman who will say anything.
But I feel like a fraud, because I come from a family of cultural Jews, and trying to explain how Judiasm is not just a religion but a culture is sometimes impossible–it gets very confusing
Neil, re Rach,
It’s trickier with great writers than with almost any other art form (except maybe acting). The fact is, if people were the same in person as they are on paper, people would go on exactly one, count ‘em, ONE, match.com date. Then they’d get married.
Every once in a while I get an online crush, whether it be a real live potential date, or just an amazing Jewish blogger, and then I have to remind myself of some of the very annoying people I know, (in real life), and how great they would seem if I only knew them by their writing.
We can all think of at least one of those. It is quite sobering.
It isn’t necessarily going to make someone more interesting, knowing his or her ethnic background. But having a strange FAMILY background, weird behavioural tics or an unusual world view probably will.
Mon Dieu do I love this post!
A men who thinks like me! Wow! We can be so alike in our differences, can’t we!
I once read a specal edition of my favourite magazine where blind people were asked to give their definitions of beauty. I found their defiitions so beauty full that i decided to type some of them and email them to a friend. Am sad to say that they didn’t find them beautiful at all. Why? Because a white french men who’s job is to massage people said that he loves to massage black people because their skin is taut and their muscles are se well defined. He’s a racist was what my friend thought. We’re different I told him. That’s the beauty of it. He did not like the sound of that and I lost a friend.
Why do people have so much trouble coming to terms with the fact that we are different?!
We’re different and complementary regardless of our skin colors, religions, and cultures. That’s how this black ivoiro-sudanese bilingual from birth muslim woman that I am likes to think of us.
I’d have loved to share my bed but had to return the digicam, would you settle for a poorly drawn version of it instead?
Well, I am “white”, but my mother was Ecuadorian & my father was Canadian (Irish/Welsh descent)but I was born in Madagascar. I am now a naturalized US citizen (although I have lived in the States my whole life). I could say that I was an African-American & would totally be referring to geographical identity – not skin color.
As for skin color – I can tan really good in the summer, but it always fades in the winter.
Let’s see, what else….I live in the South, but don’t really have a Southern accent. I have two daughters that I don’t get to see because their dad is a moronic idiot, who uses his religion (Jehovah’s Witness) as his shield for all actions he takes. I have hypothyroidism, so I have to take Synthroid for the rest of my life. Ummm….that’s all I can think of right now….I’m giving myself a headache!
I have never thought of myself as “white”. I’m native american, and a mix of European countries. I’m married, I’m pretty (and trust me, that’s enough for people to bias against you). I’m chronically ill – which makes me disabled, but I’m “healthy” right now. I’m 25, but half my friends online are over 35 and we never remember that they’re 10-20 years old, and I’m younger until someone mentions something I don’t remember.
I grew up in a religiously diverse area – conservative america with Amish, Mennonite and all the other fun conservative Christians, raise by my mother who was Wiccan since some time in the 70′s….
For me, the cultural diversity has always been more interesting then someone’s skin color, but I find that often, it’s people of other racial ethnicities that have the most to share because they have that whole other culture.
Of course, there are more things about me and my life I can’t reveal online, but I can promise – people would be surprised, and not surprised at the same time.
I love to eat – how can you not love diversity when it comes to the cuisines of various cultures??? The joy of different food is just the beginning of the joys of knowing someone not like you. I like diversity in blog writers too.