On Sunday morning at 10:45 AM (EST), Neilochka can be heard on the radio!
Yes, I can’t understand it either!
I will be a guest on the David Burd Show on Washington Post Radio (107.7 FM and 1500 AM). (link) You can hear in on-line, too. They want me to talk about my piece on Mel Gibson.
I’m hoping people can understand my heavy New York accent. Also, I am much better at writing than at ad-libbing. Will they let me sing a song? Don’t think so. Anyone who gives me a dynamite one-liner to use, will earn the Crush Of The Day spot on Monday.
OK, if you hadn’t given the web address, you would have had no need for zingy one-liners. Sunday morning brunch around, oh, 10:45 is a breeze in DC b/c some people are at church, the rest sleeping off their Adams Morgan hangovers. No one here would even considering listening to talk radio at that ungodly hour of the morning.
Now you’re in trouble, though..
I don’t have a one-liner, but you should probably think very carefully about whether or not your penis will be allowed to speak up during the interview. I’m hoping for Yes.
Neil:
Your one liner: “corn goes right through me.”
One liner: “as a child I was very socially awkward” followed by high-pitched giggling.
Or shout something like “I like penguins!”
Maybe open with “Hi, thanks for having me on your wonderful radio program. Am I talking too loud? Does it matter if I spit into the microphone? My lips are dry. Anybody have a seltzer for the STAR??”
next thing you know, you’ll be doing podcasts.
yesssss….
No idea for a one-liner, but I’m betting you’ll do just fine.
Good for you, Neil. Can’t really say “Break a leg!” How about “Pull a vocal chord!”
Can you tape it and broadcast it for us in a future post.
I don’t think you should have a stinging one-liner, I think you should rework the lyrics to “My Melancholy Baby” — accenting the MELancholy, of course.
Congrats!
Well, stealing from the ad of the pork people, and wanting to provide an alternative to those kosher listeners who won’t eat pork, you might try, “Neil, the other white meat.” That way your penis gets a plug too. ::grin::
Aw crud! It did an emoticon. I never use emoticons! That was just supposed to be “grin” between colons. Grrrr….
Well hey, that’s just cool! Congrats!
Sorry I don’t have any one-liners for you. I, too, am better at writing than I am ad-libbing. But you probably knew that, since you are like my evil neurotic twin or something.
Major coolness, Neil-chonok. I will be listening, for sure! FYI, I’ll be on Washington radio on Friday afternoon, doing another one of my public radio commentaries. Congrats, fellow DC radio person!
Congratulations. Just remember: What doesn’t kill you makes you throw up.
You’re welcome.
And I don’t know about the halibut. We all got up to go to the bathroom and never returned to the table. I kinda miss her though. My mom.
At the end of the interview, conclude with this:
“David, during this interview, I said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said. I’m not just asking for forgiveness. I would like to take it one step further, and meet with each and every listener of this radio show, with whom I can have a one on one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing.”
Or, alternately, when the host greets you, you can respond with, “”What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?”
Brilliant, Miss Syl! Do it, Neil, especially the ”conclude with this” part.
Jeez, when Sophia comments on this blog, you know someone said something good.
You are such a rock star.
Aw, thanks Sophia. You’re *my* blog crush of the day.
Yeah, I have to concede to Miss Syl.
You’re going to be on the radio talking about Mel Gibson? I had no idea you were going to be so famous when I started reading your blog.
In my family, we have a useful rule of thumb: Never rule out demonic possession. Maybe you could apply this to Mel.
say you’ve uncovered evidence that shows Mel Gibson wanted Jackie Mason to play Master Blaster in Beyond ThunderDome.
wow..what a soapbox. better make it memorable, Neil. could you not dedicate a poem to Mel? from your penis’ perspective, entitled:
“from one penis to another” ?
WOW! I’m in Chicago and won’t be near a computer at that time but I hope they archive it. I agree about Miss Syl’s closing line—you can be brilliant, ironic, and get an FCC fine! Good luck, Neil!!
i don’t think you need any one liners, just relax, enjoy the moment and speak how you feel, it is all about you, not pleasing others, right?!
Face for radio and voice for blogging. Hope it goes swimmingly
How exciting! I vote for Miss Syl’s “sugar tits” line, it will be a hit. Brilliant, Miss Syl.
Now you are REALLY a celeb in my book, I am a huge fan of radio.
Congrats and good luck. Try to record it for a podcast on your blog if you can.
Be sure to wear your foil yarmulke. : )
I think you should write a poem. Crucifix and sugar tits rhyme you know.
Check out the photos at Perez Hilton that show Mel hours before his DUI arrest, getting drunk at a bar and being photographed with lots of ladies–wearing a crucifix.
yay! Congratulations!! Thats fantastic!!
Thanks!
I think you should show up drunk and start talking about who REALLY started all the wars. And if there are any female cops or even security guards, you could use the “sugar tits” line.
Look at you!!! Well done, sugar.
most excellent!
i can’t wait to hear you.
don’t forget about us when you are famous!
sizz
I worked in radio for a few years; the best piece of advice I can give is to remember to speak slowly.
Speak slowly? I’ve never done that in my life…
I say you should learn this song and render it in your famous (so far only in blogosphere) husky voice.
The tune is incredibly catchy and so will be your radio contract.
I can’t wait to hear you!
Congrats, Neil! Very exciting…I am going to try to catch it online.
I wish I could give you a dynamite one-liner, but I draw a blank as soon as I am asked for something. I would highly recommend Brandon as your go-to guy, though.
Good luck! Just be yourself and remember: we like you!
Hmmm, I suppose in a pinch you can tell Burd he sounds like totally hot. Hmm, probably not.
Check you out, fancy pants! The best part about radio is that you can get away with your shoes and belt not matching … so I won’t give you a laundry list of on-camera fashion tips to worry about!
You’ll be great, I’m sure!
Yeah, like I’m really gonna be wearing shoes or a belt, or even pants…
Okay, here’s another one. Richard Nixon saw Deepthroat six times and he still couldn’t get it down Pat.
Does that mean you’ll embark on the Podcast quest soon??
Neil! You’re famous … I’m listening to you now … you do have a pretty thick accent, but I think it’s really classic. Mad Max! You KILLED!
I didn’t know Mel Gibson diverted so much money to that Catholic church. And your final comments regarding how the PR folks are handling this situation … I hadn’t considered what it meant till you said it…
Great Job!
First: my lendlord’s electrician should be electrocuted for the kind of wiring that turns off my internet connection at random when the a/c is on
Second: the only word that stuck in my memory after listening to sporadic “ins” of the radio is “uncomfortable”.
Third: I do wish you’d take the advice of the commenter above and spoke s-l-o-w-l-y.
Alltogether – I’m proud of you, Neil.
Caryn…we’re all jealous…how did it go Neil?…tell us, tell us.
Dang, I do hope you recorded it and post it for us lazy sleeping westcoasters in the audience!