I love all my blogger-friends. I really do. But there’s no way I’m going to sit here all day and read your dopey blogs on my mother’s dial-up here in Flushing — while I fall asleep during the page loads. Did we once all used dial-up? It’s like still using morse code.
But I hate not keeping up with the lives of other people. What if someone gets engaged or finds a new job or has sex with a midget — and I miss the post? It just won’t be the same reading the post a week from now, when everyone else has moved on and I’m the only one at the party.
So, I have a favor to ask. Could you write a one sentence synopsis of what’s going on in your current life so I can feel like I’m still “plugged in” to the blogosphere — sort of a “Reader’s Digest” of my usual blog reading.
Please ONE SENTENCE only. After all, I’m on vacation. And seriously, how interesting is your life anyway that it deserves more than one sentence?
We’ll be in the Berskshires next week if anyone wants to come visit.
A Year Ago in Citizen of the Month: Judging a Man by His Shoes
I just got engaged to a midget whom I met at my new job. You can read all about it on my blog. Have fun in NY!
Ohhh you’re in Flushing? Have you been to the restaurant EAST over there? It’s soo good..try it!! Ask your ma to take you!
In my blog today: I must be attractive to men, as the Dunkin Donuts guy punched my frequent buyer’s card for 5 cups of coffee when I only bought one, thus prematurely earning me a free large coffee, which I will gladly drink tomorrow, regardless of the fact that the only reason I’m getting it is because some guy at Dunkin Donuts likes my ass.
visiting fire island as a single woman is like being chum in shark infested waters.
gotta love it.
I posted a pic of my mouth wide open receiving something long and hot.
French families are hiding immigrant children so they won’t be deported – shades of WWII!
Today I performed a public service by telling my blog readers to floss and brush, and I continued on my journey as a blogger with biceps; these things came after deciding NOT to haul ass to IKEA in Pittsburgh this weekend, because the
coffeecocktail table can wait.Posted about the time I vomited next to pigs in Vietnam (and included a rather lovely diagram) — but am currently sitting at my desk, staring out my window, wishing I was sitting near the water instead of just looking at it from here. Oh, and I got promoted.
I met and had wild, uninhibited, sweaty jungle sex with George Clooney, the details are on my blog.
UNPLUG! YOU’RE ON VACATION!!!
I rambled on about being single in context of a book a nice publicist sent me about being single. Also, my date who cried is still calling, I’m about to start another month on Match.com, I broke my favorite pair of heels and I don’t care if you only wanted one sentence. My life is very complex and nuanced and you’re a man, so you have no clue what it is that you want.
Love ya!
I got invited to a party with the Mayor of Paris and my family is laughing because I complain about him all the time and now I’ll be drinking his champagne.
We joined a bunch of hippies to watch the sun go down at Golden Gardens but not before first eating Fish and Chips at Totem House.
I don’t even know that you’re reading me. But there you go.
Sex with TWO midgets. Details to follow.
Have a great time. How come you arent camping, you wuss? YOu didnt miss much on my recent entry…about blue eating a few bites of pb and j.
Husband and kids gone for two weeks…it’s Jules gone wild!
You already heard all details of my life, past, present and [near] future, and much more than in one sentence.
I feel new post is knocking.
Five days out from my birthday, hit the spa for a full bikini wax, and getting ready for a fun filled weekend in NYC and Doc’s wedding.
I posted an article revealing the best-kept secret for being irresistible to any woman.
One sentence huh? I flew from Australia to Dubai (16 hour flight) to spend 48 hours on the ground for a job interview, before flying home (another 16 hours). Details on my blog.
I compared the human soul to cracked china–sorta; and I thought up a hella clever double-entendre response to your last comment on my blog (and please note my wily use of semicolon and parenthesis in order to cheat and fit three sentences into one thankyouverymuchandgoodnight).
Seeing as I have dial up at home, I haven’t done too much except wait for Citizen Of The Month to load.
Birthday tomorrow. New job. Less time for partying/blog reading because of new (real) job.
I am taking a sensual bath.
Had a dream about you two nights ago (really). (Just one sentence, right?)
Saw Tom Petty at the tweeter center, his new demographic is the 22-24 yr old, who proceeded to get very drunk, high, etc and trample us as well as spill TWO beers on my head!
Mrs. Mogul — Will try “East.” Flushing has the best Chinese food this side of Hong Kong.
Jessica — That was PURE TEASE.
Sandra — Congrats on your promotion. Will that mean less time for blogging?
Melissa — Unplug? And not read your erotic stories?
Charming — One sentence! Why can’t women follow the rules?
Pam — Is Fish and Chips part of the Summer Solstice celebration?
Painter — Being at my childhood home reminds me of pb and j.
Jules — What does a wild Jules do?
Annie D — Your post I will read.
Jules #2 — I would think Dubai would be one weird place to live and work. What was it like?
Miss Syl and Alison — Clever and proper use of the semicolon.
Sedulia — You must be one classy dame to get invited there.
Dagny — Happy Birthday.
Scarlet — Still with dial-up? That’s what I like about you. Real old school.
Chickybabe – !
Eekat — That’s pretty common with most of my readers…
1 sentence description: Met an actual (as in we’re still in contact) guy at another pagan festival and had a great job interview.
Separately (and you can’t make this stuff up) one of my truly best friends is a dwarf. I’m not going to go all PC on your ass, but figured I’d mention it to make you feel guilty.
Enjoy the Berkshires (which I will pretend to take credit for; I did suggest it).
PS there are several “East”s, including one a few in Manhattan. Quite good. But if I were you, I’d stick with an all Chinese diet until they ripped me screaming and kicking out of Flushing.
Speedos.
OMG so you showed up in my fantasy last night and you were OMG..so unbelievable, Neil and I cried out and oh my god, I’m…..(sorry, that’s what dial-up will do to you)
i’m still helpless in love with people in far faraway land, not berkshire.
Hell, I’m in Iowa. I don’t even have enough for one sentence. (except these two, that is)
My stomach is in knots. That is all.
I’m sick, I’m getting better, I took a screwdriver and opened up my DVD player to fix it today (proud male moment) – life really doesn’t get much more exciting than this.
midget orgy! also strawberries and schnapps, not necessarily in that order. have a great vacation
I went to Ikea, baked more cinnamon buns, am contemplating buying a pasta machine, got a sore throat, posted about stripping (doors, not people), and put stuff on ebay; no midget orgies here, much to the dismay of my husband (if he could get sex by pretending to be a midget he would), and now you don’t need to read my blog for another few weeks. Phew.
Boy Scouts wrapped up for the year, more heavy rain is coming and we are concerned about flooding again.
Watched Superman I last night, you know, the one from 1978 (has anyone noticed how horrible Margot Kidder’s monologue is when they’re flying? Horrible.)
I am not sure you meant my blog, but just in case, here it is: Yesterday I saw a guy beating the crap out of his dog, I yelled at him and risked getting the crap beat out of me. Luckily, I lived.
Have fun!
You aren’t missing anything, but I will be blogging all about Lisbon and the Portuguese language and culture starting on the 30th.
I’m writing an effing dissertation and drinking more Spanish wine than is probably advisable.
So except for the fact that I usually drink Italian wine, it’s pretty much par for the course.
I’m having racy IM conversations and posting them. That’s all she wrote, folks!
I live in the boonies. The only high speed that’s not ass expensive is with the cable company…and we have satellite. It’s ok, keeps me real.
This is really a cool exercise; getting all us blah blah bloggers to get it down to bite-sized.
I solved the Jimmy Hoffa disappearance, attended a state dinner with Bushie and the President of Uganda, and cured urinary tract infections forever.
Eh, not much otherwise.
I drank too much wine and my head hurts.
I’ve been rounding up some pen-pals for Penis, knitting a “wee-wee” warmer for him and have been mixing Prozac cocktails for my friends.
Was abducted by aliens.
Oreo has become addicted to soap operas.
Wow, a lot of people not following the one sentence rule.
Me: Emotional, but in a good way; work; good, school; good, life; good, need to relax after this week and I plan to do just that.
Crap. I missed the one sentence rule, also.