I love all my blogger-friends. I really do. But there’s no way I’m going to sit here all day and read your dopey blogs on my mother’s dial-up here in Flushing — while I fall asleep during the page loads. Did we once all used dial-up? It’s like still using morse code.
But I hate not keeping up with the lives of other people. What if someone gets engaged or finds a new job or has sex with a midget — and I miss the post? It just won’t be the same reading the post a week from now, when everyone else has moved on and I’m the only one at the party.
So, I have a favor to ask. Could you write a one sentence synopsis of what’s going on in your current life so I can feel like I’m still “plugged in” to the blogosphere — sort of a “Reader’s Digest” of my usual blog reading.
Please ONE SENTENCE only. After all, I’m on vacation. And seriously, how interesting is your life anyway that it deserves more than one sentence?
We’ll be in the Berskshires next week if anyone wants to come visit.
A Year Ago in Citizen of the Month: Judging a Man by His Shoes
I really enjoyed this...
You read too many blogs!
I’ve been writing about rednecks and mutant squash. Seriously.
Our house has termites, darn it.
I’m now the head of Ecuador.
I’m busy being an insomniac and comparing men and boys.
I ran out of peanut butter.
i’ve been listening to howard stern and hoping a midget will have sex with me.
I am packing and saying good-bye to all my friends in the Cruz. All you are missing is a series of nostalgic, weepy posts.
xoxo
sizz
You missed my photo caption contest – first prize was sex with me – and a midget.
I’m going to try water aerobics and the teacher is a midget.
I woke up at a friend’s house only to discover that I arrived the night before in only a robe to which the sash was lost; my head hurts and there’s a midget in the trunk of my car.
Did I ever tell you I was a midget? For some odd reason, I’m feeling a little spent today.
Food poisoning, get drunk and fall down; the usual.
I still have bronchitis.
I stopped blogging on the Nonsensical Flounderings blog and concentrating on some art projects.
How spooky. Was recently asked by my brother if I ever had sex with a midget (after learning I had an affair with an amputee back in the day). I had to answer no, but there was a Christian Scientist…
barcelona birthday trip, incident with internet stalker, soon to come pictures of barcelona.
I have a new job and my neighbor’s toilet exploded, flooding my apartment but I got it fixed today by a very good contractor and I love the Berkshires and I’m going up there in July!
Roberta — I think you’re my first pagan blogger.
Wendy — And I used to think of you as a straight-laced Mommy blogger.
Bill — You fixed your DVD player yourself. How macho!
Ash — Buy that pasta machine. You only live once!
Alissa — Trying to catch up on all the Supermans before the newest one?
Justrun — How heroic!
Kimananda — Why? Are you going to Lisbon? Do you want with speak with my mother who just visited it?
JordanBaker — Is the wine from Trader Joe’s?
Blond Vigilante — You seemed like a racy IM conversation type of gal.
Scarlet — You don’t to keep on explaining why you use dial-up. We still love you, even if you are a cheapskate.
Jenni — Wasn’t that the same thing going on last week?
Pearl — Hopefully not too wee-wee.
Party Girl — Why do so many people flaunt the rules? Were you a disobedient child? ONE SENTENCE!
Brett — Time to move back to LA!
Alexandra — Can I get discounts on bananas?
Heather — What distinguishes a man and a boy?
Awe — No peanut butter! Skippy or Jif?
Kristen — Roberta knows a midget. Maybe she can hook you up.
Sizzle — You’re gonna love Seattle!
Brooke — Doesn’t IMing you from my cell phone count for something?
Margaret — Hot!
Chantel — What did you eat that poisoned you?
Tanya — Do you want me to have my mother make you some chicken soup?
Mik — I”ll check it out.
Mari — I’ve always wanted to go to Barcelona.
Teahouse — Maybe we’ll pass each other on the road from NYC – Berkshires.
I had sex with a midget, but that’s not really news.
Well, as you seem to be offering me another sentence…I’m spending the month of July in Lisbon, to get my Portuguese back up to speed (it having been continually beaten up over the past couple of years by a tall blonde Scandinavian language), and would love to talk to your mother about it, but truth is, I lived there for 6 years (1995-2001), and will mainly be seeing people I already know, and roaming places I know taking photos…on the other hand, your Mom could tell really funny stories about your childhood, so yes, I’d love to talk to her about, erm, Lisbon.
Fevers run rampant, spreading like wildfire and dogs want to spend time on the beach.
I got pissed at the pub watching France qualify against Togo and nearly lost my voice screaming, but I’m too afraid to write about this on my blog because I don’t think any of my readers will care – and i’m going on a date with you Saturday night.
I’ve just been sitting here all day reading your 72 comments.
Waiting for the part of my life that has to do with ME to begin.
dwarf dwarf dwarf dwarf dwarf!
midget is wrong!!!
Oh, I had an affair with a one armed man. Visually, it occasionally freaked me out, but tactilely, it served some interesting functions…
Not much, working my ass off, hating the world, deleting 10,000 emails and eating some Corn Pops.
Instead of spending my long-awaited summer vacation sunning myself on a beach in Cape Cod, I spent it in a funeral home.
I had an orgy with the all the men from PWMLA (People With Missing Limbs of America). It was awesome. And stumpy.
And also, I’m on vacation in GA. Kicking it redneck style with my family.
I had sex/ with a midget. One part is true, one is not. Figure it out.
What’s more fun, New York or L.A.?
What was Dubai like, you ask Neil? Well, this is why the whole one sentence Reader’s Digest version of things doesn’t work!!
A Serious Answer: it was really, really, ridiculously hot. And kind of surreal as well, since I went to see Ski Dubai (the indoor ski slope). Lots of construction going on (they have one-third of the world’s cranes at work there, so a lot of new buildings going up).
Oh, and the best thing about the trip: I got upgraded on my flights both ways! Business class = very nice indeed.
Roberta — Is dwarf really the PC way of saying it? I thought it was “little person.”
I’m late again, but let me say: darts and beer, girls and boys, wigs and moustaches. Oh, and cats and vodka. Always cats and vodka.
I’ve written several BRILLIANT AND INCISIVE posts on my blog and you’ve missed them all.
I go to the Berkshires every summer. Tanglewood is heaven.