Encounter in IHOP


I was hungry last night, but there was nothing in the fridge.  So, I walked over to the finest establishment in my neighborhood, IHOP, and ordered French toast (I was feeling wild).

I suddenly realized that I never showered after going to the gym, so I must have looked sweaty and grimy. 

As I waited for my meal, a mother and daughter passed by as they went to pay their bill.   The daughter, a cute twelve-year old girl, shyly looked my way.  A few seconds passed after they passed me, and then they reappeared — standing right next to my table!

“Excuse me,” said the mother.  “I really hope I’m not bothering you.  But my daughter wants to ask you something.” 

The little girl was nervous.  The mother held the girl’s hand to calm her. 

What was going on?

The only scenario I could come up with was that they were a rich Beverly Hills family, they thought I looked homeless, and they wanted to pay for my French toast.

“Go ahead, Jen,” said the mother.  “Ask him.”

But the girl was frozen in fear.  The mother decided to help her daughter out.

“My daughter wants to know if you’re an actor?”

“An actor?” I asked.

“Are you Kirk?” the girl blurted out, finally finding her voice.

“Kirk?” I said, confused.  “No, I’m sorry.  I’m not Kirk.”

“My daughter wants to know if you “play” Kirk,” the mother explained.  “On “Gilmore Girls?”

“No, I’m sorry…”

I had no idea who “Kirk” was.  I’ve never seen “Gilmore Girls,” although it just happens to be my mother’s favorite show and she’s always telling me to watch it.

The girl looked crushed.  I was not “Kirk.”

If I had more time to think, or if I was just a little more quick-witted, I would have lied to the girl.  It would have been worth it.  I would have given her a story she would have remembered for the rest of her life. 

“Imagine!” she would tell her grandchildren.  ” I met Kirk at the IHOP on Wilshire Boulevard!  He even signed a menu!  Look — “Kirk.”

Hey, if I had met Lisa Bonet in a Chili’s Restaurant in 1980, I’d still be writing about it on my blog.

I tried to come up with something positive to say to the girl.  I felt guilty about getting her all excited about meeting “Kirk,” then snapping her dream like a twig.

“You know…” I said with a gentle smile, “‘Gilmore Girls’ is my mother’s favorite show.  She’ll appreciate that you thought I was Kirk.”

“You hear that, Jen?” said the mother.  “His mother loves “Gilmore Girls” too!”

The girl shrugged, like she gave a rat’s ass.   

I got home and decided to call my mother just to tell her the story.  She laughed.

“That’s so cute,” she said.

But there was one unresolved matter.

“So, tell me, Mom, who the hell is ‘Kirk’?”

“Oh, he’s the town weirdo.”

This entry was posted in Los Angeles, Movies and Television and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

74 Responses to Encounter in IHOP

  1. Nelumbo says:

    mmmmmmmm…pancakes…sorry I can’t get past the fact you didn’t order pancakes…

  2. Neil says:

    This may be shocking to some, but I don’t really like pancakes too much. I love French toast, though! I tried IHOP’s stuffed French toast once, and I thought it was an insult to France.

  3. Michele says:

    I laughed outloud reading this little snippet about IHOP. I love Gilmore Girls, or I did until this season, now I’m committed to not paying it any attention. But that’s neither here nor there. About KIRK: he is the best character on the show so it was a compliment from the little girl, but Kirk is the town weirdo and he is physically, well, uh, how do you say…an acquired taste. But he’s hilarious and I highly suggest you get the 1st and 2nd season DVDs and have some Kirk time…it’s worth it…I swear!

  4. Virenda says:

    Ahhhh…. That you even cared is great.

    I’m right there with ya though, I have NEVER watched the show so had no idea who Kirk was/is but the fact that your the town creep makes me smile. I guess next time you either shower or embrace the whole town weirdo thing.

  5. Mike F says:

    Never watch Gilmore Girls. But it almost sounds like it would have been better to think you were homeless.

    I did that once. I went up to a guy on the street to offer him a sandwich I had. Only he wasn’t homeless or hungry. It’s not really a scenario you think about until it happens. Oh, you are not homeless, great, good for you, …. ahh…. I’ll just crawl under this here rock…..bye now…

  6. jackt says:

    You just forgot to shower after the gym and didn’t notice it?! You must be the cleanest sweat-er ever!

    You shoulda recovered after telling the girl you weren’t Kirk. “No, I’m actually co-starring with [name teeny-bopper star] in her next movie.” She woulda been disappointed when she found out it wasn’t true, but that’s a few months of bliss for her.

  7. Fitèna says:

    *Fitèna, don’t laugh* Poor Neil! *Fitèna donnnn’t laugh* Did she confuse you with him because you forgot to shower? You’re sweat smell pulled her back to you? Poor Neil! *Fitèna laughing hard*


  8. Di says:

    A small shout of laughter from the kiwi …

  9. Serena says:

    OMG…I love this! Now I’m totally sitting here thinking I know what you look like : )

  10. Lou P. says:

    Great twist ending there… Funny stuff.

  11. Sean says:

    Hilarious. For the record, I AM Kirk on the Gilmore Girls and I always describe myself as the “town jackass.” But weirdo works too.

  12. Janet says:

    Hee hee. That poor girl. What a funny encounter!

    (I had to go google Kirk because I don’t watch Gilmore Girls.)

  13. kimananda says:

    I always have the idea that people in Southern California are always being mistaken for celebrities…is this actually true?

  14. Madigan says:

    Okay, so this is true. My friend totally fucked the real Kirk and said he was hot. I know another girl who fucked one of his brothers, the one who wrote that TV show 2gether.

  15. Sophia says:

    Just looked at “Kirk’s” pictures, and now I understand – you both have this Modigliani/El Greco thing about you: loooong face and body.

  16. Neil says:

    Sean — Thanks for stopping by. I hope this girl doesn’t stop watching your show because of my insensitivity.

    May I be the first to say that despite people saying you look like a “weirdo,” I think you are very attractive in your photos. If you ever need a stand-in, you know whom to call.

    And I was glad to hear from “Madigan” that after her friend “totally f***ed you, she thought you were “hot.” I get that a lot myself. So, I guess we have similarities in other ways, too.

  17. Stefanie says:

    I’ve never seen the Gilmore Girls cause I’m too busy watch Grey’s Anatomy but I would just take it as a compliment. Hey, the guy’s on TV right? I was once mistaken for someone on Buffy but it turned out to be someone ugly. But whatever.

  18. Dagny says:

    No, Neil. He doesn’t look weird. His character on the show is weird.

  19. introspectre says:

    How funny. I have no idea if I’ve ever even seen that show….
    But being the town weird-o is A-ok with me pal.


  20. Lisa says:

    ROTFL, that’s just great! He’s not bad-looking, if that helps at all. Great carnival entry!

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  22. Russ says:

    WOW!! I can’t believe I found Kirk’s blog!! I love you on “Gilmore Girls”!!


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  24. Lara says:

    Ha! I don’t know which is funnier. (a) the post itself; (b) the fact that the guy who really plays Kirk commented here (or an impersonator of the guy who plays Kirk…); or (c) your response to the guy who actually plays Kirk.

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