I’ve written a number of posts about women’s weight issues, from an early post about looking for a size 14 at the Beverly Center to an inane post about Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie which still gets comments from crazed, anorexic teenagers.
It probably doesn’t make much sense why this issue interests me so much. I’m not a woman and I’m not overweight. I think what bothers me the most is the way being overweight is being demonized in our society — for both men and women, and “fat” has become a code word for something more than just weight, with meanings now associated with class and social standing.
This might sound weird to you, but I’m sure part of my sensitivity to a singled-out group comes from being Jewish. I feel lucky to have grown up in New York City, where being Jewish is so common that even the Puerto Rican bus driver who took us to school knew when Yom Kippur was coming up. While there were some tensions between blacks and Jews in my public schools, I never experienced traditional “anti-semitism.” It wasn’t until I went to college and met Jews from other parts of the country, that I learned that the word “Jew” could be used as a dirty word. Some synagogues in the South even used the word “Hebrews” so as not to appear too “Jewish.”
I learned about “jewing down” the price, with its negative connotations of cheapness and unscrupulous behavior. Was my mother “jewing down” all these years? After all, my mother’s whole shopping strategy was to “shop for the bargains.” I always thought that was what you were supposed to do! But then I learned that wealthier “Manhattan” Jews went to the more expensive stores to buy the products at higher prices — so they can look less Jewish! After all, if the non-Jews are too dumb to look for the bargains, then we should become dumb, too. But this never really worked, because then buying at the better store became the Jewish thing to do, so it undermined the whole reason for shopping there in the first place. Luckily, things have changed, and now everyone is like my Jewish mother from Queens, shopping amazon.com to save ten bucks on a digital camera (with free shipping!). (note to Arab media: does this mean Amazon.com is a Zionist tool?)
I remember having a Jewish friend from Louisville in college and he was so obsessed about not being seen as a “cheap Jew,” that he would scold me if I picked up a “lucky penny” off the street.
I don’t need to go into a history lesson about how Jews have been demonized throughout history. You still see those images of beady-eyed Jews with hooked noses in Arab newspapers. It’s the dehumanization of a people that makes it easier to exterminate a group or blow up a bus.
Not that Jews don’t have their own bigotries. I’ve always been a bit of a snot-nosed kid on this subject of bigotry — always on a crusade. I remember when my uncle would come visit, he would always used the word “schvatza” when talking about blacks. (schvatza simply means black in Yiddish, as does the name Schwartz (like Schwartzenneger. It doesn’t really have any negative connotations to it — it means black — but when Jews say it, they usually say it with a negative spin, meaning “ghetto blacks.” When my uncle would say this, I would leave the table, angrily saying, “I will not listen to any of this racism!” In retrospect, if I met a kid like me today, I would find him a humorless prig.
Now what does all this about Jews and blacks have to do with “overweight” people?
I think the association started when I was listening to this song from one of my favorite artists, Ben Folds. While reading the lyrics, think about how the imagery of “fat” people is used symbolically to represent everything that is wrong with our American consumer culture.
All U Can Eat (They Give No Fuck)
by Ben FoldsSon, look at all the people/In this restaurant
What do you think they weigh?
And out the window/To the parking lot
At their SUVs taking all of this spaceThey give no fuck/They talk as loud as they want
They give no fuck/Just as long as there’s enoughFor them
Gonna get on the microphone/Down at Wal-Mart
Talk about some shit/That’s been on my mind
Talk about the state/Of this great nation of ours
People look to your left/Yeah and look to your rightThey give no fuck/They buy as much as they would want
They give no fuck/Just as long as there’s enoughFor them
Son, look at the people/Lining up for plastic
Wouldn’t you like to see ‘em/In the National Geographic
Squating bare-assed in the dirt/Eating rice from a bowl
With a towel on their head and/Maybe a bone in their noseSee that asshole/With a peace sign on his license plate
Giving me the finger and/Running me out of his lane
God made us number one/’Cause he loves us the best
But he should go bless/Someone else for a while
And give us a rest(They give no)Yeah and everyone can see
(They give no)We’ve eaten all that we can eat
Fat people = all you can eat = SUVs = Walmart
Now, I actually agree with Ben Folds about our culture of overconsumption. But I don’t feel comfortable singling out larger-sized people to make the point. Poetry can be used for harm as much as for beauty.
I can hear the twelve year old kid in me asking the questions…
“Do you mean that skinny people never go to all-you-can-eat buffets? Or that skinny people don’t own SUVs? Isn’t it a fact that most rich people are actually thin — and they are the ones who are most benefiting from our society. Isn’t it an easy target to use the fat Midwesterner as the symbol of the ugly American?”
Am I being a snot-nosed prig again?
Recently I saw some reformed racist on Oprah explaining to her that “nigger” isn’t that bad of a word; he would never think of Oprah as a “nigger.” And I’m sure there are people who still use the expression “jew down.”
Maybe you’re thinking, “What’s so wrong with demonizing fat people, just like we’ve successfully demonized smokers? Maybe it will force them to change. We do have an overweight country. And being fat is not healthy.”
But do we really want to shun those who are full-figured in the same way we force smokers out of the restaurant? Why do so many women, for example, avoid “hanging out” with an overweight girlfriend? Are they afraid that getting fat is catching? And isn’t the very fact that I’m using the word “overweight” a sign of my own brainwashing by society? By whose standard is someone overweight? Am I talking about someone 400 pounds or a woman who is size 12?
Have you read about this poll done by Fitness Magazine?
“More than half of Americans say they’d rather lose their jobs than get fat.
Fifty-eight percent of women and 54% of men say they’d rather be unemployed than gain 75 pounds. And 63% of women and 55% of men say they’d rather be poor with no extra pounds to lose than rich and substantially overweight.
75% of men and 80% of women say they wouldn’t give up 20 intelligence-quotient points to gain the perfect body.”
Clearly, there is a large percentage of the population that fears being fat more than being poor (I doubt these respondents were ever poor). Being poor has some coolness to it — songwriters write about it all the time. But being fat is “shameful.” And I’m sure there are many intelligent, liberal-minded, perfectly politically-correct people out there who would never think of saying anything bigoted against Jews, blacks, gays, Muslims, etc. — but who see no problem at all singing along with Ben Folds:
“Son, look at all the people/In this restaurant
What do you think they weigh?”
I saw this post late last night when there were 0 comments but couldn’t think of a way to comment that wasn’t a rambling, incoherent rant.
Now I see there are 50 comments and I feel the same way. So let me say, in a rambling, incoherent way …
I don’t think this has anything to do with “fat” or “Jews” or “insert a popular cultural group.” We seem to have a need to vilify someone and to me the real question is, “Why?”
I don’t have an answer for that, by the way.
As for “fat” … Yes, there are people who are overweight and once again the question is,”Why?” Of more interest to me, however, is why anyone who is large is considered “fat” (just as anyone who is thin is anorexic). In other words, there are people who are supposed to be as large as they are, just as I am suppose to be as small as I am, and that’s just the way things are. Yet everyone who doesn’t have a template look is considered “fat” or “skinny” or something or other.
I think we live in a “one size fits all” world. The fact is there are many different body shapes but our world (well, as far as the media is concerned) prefers to see it as one generic boring world. We celebrate people with body shapes that make a fashion designer’s life easy. Can any of the big name designers actually design for normal people? I don’t think so. They seek out and design for specific body types. The ones that make their freak show cat walk shows look good.
I saw one of those CSI type shows the other day on TV. It was a very socially aware show about obesity and blah blah blah. Of course, none of the stars of the show were “large-sized.” No, they had to write specific characters and hire specific actors so the stars, all standard issue Hollywood body types, could look concerned and sympathize with an issue they would never have to deal with themselves.
But I ramble. Your post, I think, isn’t about “fat” or anything else like that. It’s about what is missing in our lives. Why do we feel the need to despise someone else, be they large, Jew, black, Latin, French or fill-in-the-blank?
My guess is that it’s because if we’re pointing at someone else we’re not looking at ourselves.
Well, okay. So I’m full of shit. I said, “I don’t have an answer for that, by the way.” And then I went on to suggest a possible answer. What can I say? It’s not like I run these comments past an editor!
God made chihuahuas and god made great danes… it’s just the way things shake down, kids.
Obviously we are having similar thoughts this week…
I’d flirt with you Melinda.
Excellent post, Neil! I’m going to go out and put on another 10 pounds this week in solidarity with my heavy homies!
Smart post. Fun to watch people’s own bigotry come out in their comments. Cough.
Neil, thanks for the encouragement…one thing I’ve noticed in myself by reading your post, and perhaps I speak for other people, is my less than empathetic attitude towards someone who is overweight, complains about being over-weight, and then proceeds to eat 3 times as much as suggested by the FDA and never does anything more active than walk to and from his/her car. I applaud anyone who does anything to change something that they don’t like about themselves, even if it doesn’t seem to “work”…or even accept what is that they don’t like about themselves. (I’ve got a nose that a doctor suggested I have ‘taken care of’ but I didn’t because I’ve accepted it as part of what makes me ME!)
I think it does say something about the gluttony of our nation…over indulging in just about anything…disregarding our internal voice of moderation to satisfy what we want now – whether it’s food, gambling, TV, alcohol, buying more than we can afford. In our grandparents’ day, people saved and sacrificed to get what they wanted – a new house, a new car, worked their way up the corporate ladder, saved for a rainy day and their generation did not fight obesity like ours does. (Devils advocate – they didn’t have all that the world offers to us now either.) We consume and consume to satisfy ourselves NOW with little thought on how unhappy it may make us in the future…when we’re trying to lose the weight, pay off the credit card, or mend a broken marriage…
Jules — I perfectly understand the less than empathetic attitude towards someone overweight who complains about it but doesn’t do much about it — especially from someone who worked hard to get into shape. But to play devil’s advocate here (don’t get upset), can I assume then that your political opinions lean towards the right, especially concerning those on family assistance — if these folks only stopped complaining and learned to pick themselves up from their bootstraps, went back to school, and got a well-paying job, they could get off of ‘government help’ and find success.
And if you disagree with that, why not the same empathy for someone with an eating problem, IF they actually have one, and arent’ just genetically disposed to be bigger? Why has weight become the be all and end all of a person’s moral fiber? In that Fitness poll, people would rather be POOR than fat, meaning a large percentage of society are less embarrassed to be seen by society as moneyless than overweight — exactly because they have internalized this less than empathetic attitude to weight. But if I owned fifteen cars, most people would be impressed.
Back a couple of hundred years ago, being heavy was a sign of being rich and successful. I remember reading in school about all these kings that had gout. Rubens, the Flemish Baroque artist, painted heavy women who were considered hot. There has been recent evidence that not all “overweight” people are necessarily unhealthier than someone skinny — unless they are obese. But society has started to view controlled eating as a moral virtue associated with class and looking rich. It may be stupid to eat too much and get fat, but there’s no real moral connection there. The person who cheats on his taxes should be scorned more than someone who is heavier than you. Now I know why I never can get into that hip club in Hollywood — it’s not because I dress terrible. No, last year, I used my Netflix account as a deduction.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been out with a woman who orders a salad and picks at it as if it were poison. Does she then go home and eat real food? Is it considered unsexy for a woman to be seen eating?
Thank you Neil for pointing out that the idea of thin as being attractive is a relatively modern.
Also Eddie Murphy had a name for women who only order salad when they go out to eat. I personally think that going out is a treat. I’ll eat the salad the next day.
Neil,I am rarely offended…so no worries there…I grew up in a home where ‘lively discussion’ over the dinner table (with a vast amount of food and plenty of us overweight at the table, I might add) was common. Perhaps that’s why I made a second comment…this is a good topic which we could all go back and forth on.
I would say I’m more of a moderate leaning only a tad to the right, although where I currently reside I’m a leftist (another story for another day.) With regards to family assistance, that too is a conversation for another day, but honestly, I don’t know how anyone can get off government assistance – no easy answer on that one.
Before I dig myself into a deeper hole though (because I feel this is such a sensitive subject) I completely see your point about girls you dated who only pick at their salads. Did they think you would find them more attractive? And I hope they went home and ate something afterwards. And I agree completley with Melinda who said it seems to be only women who are demonized for being bigger than a size 6. It is not fair, although I see it shifting a little bit.
I kind of live by this philosophy…Accept it or change it. We all have things that can get in our way in life – our heredity which includes our ethnicity, our body type; the life we were born into – lap of luxury or on the streets, in a 3rd world country, in middle America, or bustling city; and our own choices – good or bad.
I believe we can control a lot of our own destiny, either by 1-accepting what is given to us or 2-changing it. Both are equally important in creating happiness in our lives. Now we can’t change our ethnicity, so we embrace who we are and accept that sometimes people are ignorant and will be hurtful.
I can change my hair color if I want, because I hear blondes have more fun, but I don’t because I figured out that my hair color doesn’t really matter that much. I have a lot of gray hair though that really bothers me, thanks to the genes I inherited from my father. When I started complaining about them a few years ago (WAY before I was 30), my husband said to me,”time to color your hair then.” For a while, I accepted the gray hair, but when they bothered me enough, I decided to change. Technically, I’m still a brunette. (Seriously though, I accept the tiny breasts I have left after my weight loss…unwilling to make that change, but I don’t judge people who do.)
I was ‘forced’ to move from a city and job that I loved because my husband took a job in another city/state. I was faced with the literal decision – leave him or go with him. It wasn’t really fair to me, but it was the situation I was given. I chose to be with him and move…because I love him. Now, I’m not saying this has been easy, but I’m learning to accept my new life here. If I didn’t, I’d always be bitter.
Obesisty is in my family genes – my grandma, my mom, all the aunts and uncles and my brothers. My sisters somehow got the skinny gene, but I ended up somewhere in the middle. My younger brother is the heaviest and has been since he was about 8 or 9. I defended him from bullies all through elementary school.
(oh!…this is going on too long…)
Long story short: 1- Little brother is happy being overweight…he’s accepted what genetics gave him and I never once here him moan about it while he’s eating his 2nd helping of pie. Yay for him, except I’m his sister and do worry about his health. I should also add he is the LEAST lazy person I know…so people who assume he is can fight me just like in elementary school!
2- Older brother does NOT enjoy being over weight and works out a lot, has had lipo and tries to eat healthy. He’s doing something and he’s happy with the improvements that he’s chosen to make for himself.
3- My mother aggravates me a little because every day I hear about how she wishes she could be skinny while she eats twice as much as me and never exercises. She’s the most unhappy of all three (yikes she a girl, but I don’t think it blows my whole theory.) She wants to be thinner because she wants to have fun with my kids, not because she wants to be a supermodel. I see that she’s discouraged and I understand it, but I also know that we can sit and say poor me or we can do something…anything.
4- My aunt just had stomach by-pass surgery…I’m not condoning it, but she did something because she had such major health issues and couldn’t run after her grand-kids. That’s all I’m going to say about that.
So, hopefully that explains where I’m coming from. Neil, keep your posts coming…love them all. (Sorry this was so wordy…geez..)
Oh yeah…and I would not be impressed if you owned 15 cars…it boils down to “drive”, not what you drive…:)
Excellent Post Neil.
I recently saw the movie ‘Crash’ and wanted to write about a couple of things in that movie that I found to be very disturbing, but I just couldn’t find the right words.
Thanks for writing this.
I don’t mean to be insensitive, and I certainly don’t want to offend people, but lipo sucks.
Hello again.
Jules — Thanks for that great response. I thought I would ruffle your feathers by calling you a conservative since it is such a dirty word with so many of my readers. Next time, I’ll try to calling you a liberal. (you should hear Sophia go off when I say she has liberal views!).
We probably agree on most everything. I guess since I’m not a woman, I’m seeing this from another POV, since there isn’t as much pressure on a man to be thin.
Last year, when I wrote this post about shopping for a size 14 in the Beverly Center, I was shocked that NO store had anything, including Macy’s. What was going on? Why wouldn’t the stores want to sell to as many female customers as possible? And statistically most people are size 12-14, right — even in Beverly Hills? While I knew that models and fashion stuff was all about being thin, I figured that this was only about advertising and image. I see nothing wrong with using good-looking models to sell clothing. But I didn’t actually know that these designers don’t even make clothes for anyone over size 4! There was actually a sign on one of the stores in this shopping mall, saying that they only carried up to size 8. It reminded me of those signs in the South that used to say, “No Blacks allowed.” Clearly this fancy shopping mall in Beverly Hills wanted to create a certain image of itself as chic and rich — which meant stores that do not cater to any FAT PEOPLE. I hate to bring up racial stuff, but is it possible that the Beverly Center doesn’t want that many minorities to show up, who tend to be larger size? Someone actually told us that if we wanted to find larger size women’s clothes, to go to the Fox Hills Mall, which is in a “black neighborhood.”
And again, I’m not talking about size XXL, I’m talking about women’s size 12-14!
So, while it is funny to think of all of the fat women at Walmart, maybe they go there for a reason. It’s the only store that carries their size!
I can’t speak to the racist aspects, but I do know most high end designers don’t make clothes over size 12 because a) they don’t want to see “fat” women in their clothes and b) the bulk of their clientele is “skinny” and don’t want to be seen in the same clothes as “fat” women.
That said, friggin’ MACY’S should have size 14. It’s Macy’s for cryin’ out loud.
Ps – I linked to this post.
[...] Yesterday, Neil had a very good post on his blog, one that broached on the topic of being prejudiced toward other ethnic groups and toward “fat” people. [...]
[...] Neil has an excellent post about the acceptable marginalization of fat peeps. [...]
[...] After reading and commenting on an excellent topic posted by Neil on the subject of society judging people who are over-weight, I am now questioning my own motives to be thin. [...]
[...] So late Sunday night I saw Neil’s post Fat People… [...]
As someone who has been poor most of my life, let me assure you, there is nothing cool about being poor.
I did have a couple of eating disorders but that was way before they were cool.
Thank you.
For being a man and writing this.
And,
For just simply writing it.
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Wow, Neil, you really hit the nail on the head. You might be interested in reading a book called “The Obesity Myth” (“The Diet Myth” in paperback) by Paul Campos. His whole theory is that American guilt about overconsumption leads to the demonization of fat people as a visible symbol of that overconsumption.
Hell, I’m fat, and I don’t even own a car
Thanks for this, from a young fat activist.
Thanks, Peggy. I’ll check out the book! It sounds very interesting.
[...] Neil over at Citizen of the Month wrote an interesting post on his observations about fat people…more specifically, his observations about how fat people are, er, rather unfavourably viewed by our culture. [...]
HDJ — I do understand that you’re trying to be compassionate and understanding; however, fat people most certainly are not fat because they don’t know how not to be. There is no failure of intelligence or knowledge on the fat person’s part — in fact, the average fat person can run circles around almost anyone when it comes to nutrition, calorie counts, “healthy” ways to lose weight, exercise, etc. because they have spent their whole lives struggling to become “not fat.” While I respect the attempt at compassion, the patronizing and condescending I can do without.
The fact is, some people are simply large people the way some people are very slender or skinny. Shocking! And many of the very large, of which I am one, got that way by damaging their bodies and metabolisms through repeated use of “healthy” strategies designed to somehow force our bodies to override their genetic makeups.
Also, may I suggest that the population of fat people you see in your office may be skewed? Certainly there are slim people who come to the office who have diabetes or joint problems? Do you automatically assume that all slim people have those problems as you assume all fat people do?
–Cathy, a 5’0″ 380-pound highly active qigong practitioner, senior manager, and healthy adult woman
I disagree. I think that MANY of the fat people I’ve consulted with (I’m an RD) may KNOW the “good” foods from the “bad” foods and know how to count calories, carbs, fat etcetera. BUT I don’t think they have the knowledge that truly matters.
Those who have dieted multiple times have completely lost the ability to trust themselves around food. They don’t know how to eat normally, naturally, intuitively. They have guilt and fear associated with anything that tastes good. They make jokes: “If it tastes good, don’t eat it.” Funny, sort of. But it’s not true. Taste does not equal evil.
SO alot of the normal hunger and satiety responses and self regulation has been lost and given up to the DIET of the MONTH or some other rigid plan.
There are some people with NO CLUE as to what is healthy or how to enjoy produce…but most just have lost that touch with their internal hunger regulation or ability to enjoy food without doing 100 other things at the same time.
Exercise has become a means to a skinny end and has no other purpose to many who struggle to lose weight.
Issues such as these need addressing for successful health and potential weight loss.
Ellen DeGeneres on today’s show,
“I think that what is so messed-up about this country is that you’re supposed to be a size 2 or a size 4, and you’re supposed to be 22 years old, and you’re supposed to look a certain way. And I think beauty has so many different forms…
…and I think it really is very misleading, and very very damaging, to men and women, to present that that is what beauty is, that’s what that package is…”
Trish, that’s why I think Ellen DeGeneres is so great.
When I lived in Virginia, a friend said to me, “I could never go to California because the women are all thin.” I explained to her that this was definitely not the case. I told her that what I saw as the difference was that my friends who were not size 0 or 2 or 4 were completely comfortable in who they were and recognized what things looked the best on them.
People assume that thin people can wear anything. We cannot. I am 5’10″. Straight skirts past my knees make me look like Olive Oyl. I don’t think that’s an attractive look so I avoid them. I don’t care if they’re in. It’s just something I would never wear.
I have met men who have wanted to fatten me up. I tell them, “Good luck. It’s probably not going to happen.” Not because I don’t eat but because I know I pack away the calories and really don’t gain weight.
As I’ve said earlier, I have relatives who have been told by doctors that they are morbidly obese. They are some of the most beautiful people I know in the world. But that probably comes from the fact that I was the awkward kid growing up and thought that I was completely unattractive. What I have always found beautiful in the longrun is the person inside the package.
“There is no excuse for not trying to eat/live healthy.”
Except maybe you don’t want to…?
Is there really a moral obligation to eat well and exercise? If you want to do it, great for you, but maybe others would rather do things differently. I don’t see how that makes them any less of a person.
ABT, even though it did not come out in my first post, I actually think we are very much on the same page and your post was a delight to read. I myself got off the diet merry-go-round by learning to eat intuitively, honor my body’s hunger and satiety signals, and release guilt and shame about eating, especially eating in public. I wish all people — fat or thin — could eat this way and treat their bodies, whatever size they may be, with kindness.
I will say, however, that although I no longer diet or binge and have a very healthy relationship with food (and much more energy and general happiness as a result), I haven’t lost any weight. It’s stable, and has been for a few years, which I feel is fantastic and healthy. What is difficult for me on a daily basis as a 380-pound woman are the assumptions people make about me based on my size. And that’s where I am very sensitive to anything patronizing or condescending — I know my body, I trust my body, and I’m energetic, smart, and successdul to boot. But its doesn’t seem that that’s what people see when they look at me.
I am a dedicated Ben Folds fan and when I first heard that song it was like a punch in the stomach. What amuses me about it though, is that it comes after the song “learn to live with what you are” on the EP. So which is it Ben? Am I supposed to live with and appreciate what I am, or am I supposed to feel like I’m participating in sending the country to hell in a handbasket simply by being fat?
And let’s not even get into the part Madison Ave plays in how much people buy (or eat, for that matter). When they “buy as much as they want”, who is telling them over and over what they are supposed to want? Should we hate this group of people for not being able to overcome the messages we are all inundated with? Have we not all had a moment where we realize we overconsumed and couldn’t figure out why we would do that? The problem is not just some fat people in a buffet restaurant or at wal-mart deciding to be deliberately selfish…the problem is the fact that we have all been so efficiently programmed, we don’t even realize we’re doing it.
Thank you, Melissa!
Check out this introduction article on Overweight:
http://www.articleworld.org/Overweight
Contents
* 1 Definition
* 2 Measurement
* 3 Health
* 4 Cause
* 5 Treatment
Yes, to the person who was criticizing us “hypocritical” Christians. Bella or whatever your name is-
What a lovely way to judge and over generalize us. Im glad you “enlightened” yourself and moved away from horrid Christianity. I honestly am very sorry of your cyncism. Perhaps you are just as hypocritical and judgemental of us Christians are you claim they are to be. I know many deep sincere Christians who would cringe at your hostility and ignorance. I dont think its fair to lump “church going” Christians with all Christians, or needless to say that being a Christian is summed down to church attendance.
Many Christians do very wonderful works all around. If you maybe stop to actually open your mind a little you wouldnt have such a shallow view of things.
Hi.
New to all this (which is why I’ve showed up a little late). But interestingly enough I just wrote a big ole blog on the fat topic, (https://starsandmoon145.wordpress.com/2006/05/24/no-bagel-is-worth-95/), (and I’m still lame enough at HTML to not really know how to hyperlink that).
Point is, here’s the connection that I never really made until reading this: I am Jewish, fat, loud, bright, outspoken, hilarious — an absolute standout (loved by many, not so much by many others). I am personally aware that all of that swirls around in me as one living thing, but hadn’t really considered the combo-pack by which I am judged. In my life I get a look from people; and yes, it’s the same look whether I am sucking chicken off its bone when a more delicate person would have declared it done six bites earlier, or interjecting an opinion when none was invited. (The Will and Grace series finale had a hilarious bit about the precious relationship between Jews and chicken. But of course, they can pull that stuff off, as their Jew weighs 104 pounds.)
“A more delicate person”. I think that says it all about what this loud, fat, bump-on-a-log Jew is not.
Thank you for writing this.
Glad someone else was bothered by that Ben Folds lyric. I love him as an artist, but that pissed me off the first time I heard the song. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve listened to it again, though I basically agree with him on overconsumpsion. What I disagree with is the stereotypical use of fat people as short hand for overconsumpsion. Its the liberal face of fat bigotry. Oh, there is a conservative face for it, too. But I’m more annoyed when it comes from people I ideologically agree with. I’m still going to enjoy his work. Can’t really punish him for saying something I know most people think. But it nags at me all the same.
Oh, and this fat person would rather be called fat any day over a stigmatizing label like “overweight”. Over who’s weight, exactly? Obviously not my own. Defining a person by what they aren’t is a tactic used to belittle a group. Oh, and just in case a few commentators are wondering, no, fat people aren’t too stupid to lose weight. I’m so sick and tired of the absurd notion that no one’s bothered to point out that we’re fat or haven’t heard their brilliant theory about how we can lose weight a thousand times before. We get the message. Every day of our lives, and few of us ever even think to question it. And yet here we are. Makes you wonder if maybe the “treatment” isn’t a worthwhile enterprise.
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She used to make me laugh. Now she makes me cringe.
http://www.andreaharner.com/archives/2006/05/she_looks_american_to_me.html#comments
http://www.andreaharner.com/archives/2006/04/planeful_experience.html#comments
i need old women freind address
Well. being overweigh is generally(not always, I know, but generally) something that you can change..
I’m short. And I can’t change that. So it annoys the freak out of me when there are fat people who clearly would look better and be healthier losing weight, while I’m well. stuck being short.
i am relieved to see people still have feelings.when it comes down to it i cannot help but think how sad and unfortunate being overweight is percieved. alot of people think if your fat you eat too much….wrong..it could be a number of other things. i am not encouraging people to be overweight. health should be taken very seriously.i can sit here and go on for days but i will make this short and sweet.i am 5’10 and weighed 300 pounds at my peak weight. i was incredibly insecure and ashamed of going out, not because people would look at me rather i felt very self conscious. i instantly became insecure. i could feel eyes staring at me. i already hated being overweight. i did not want to do anything. i was always very fashionable and well informed of society. sometimes people just need some love. that is it. L.O.V.E
that is the cure. believe it or not. when you are loved you feel incredibly invincible.as cheesy as this sounds…it works for everything. racism, war , violence, all this….can be prevented with love understanding negotiating and on top of all patience. not only will you succed at whatever your goals are ,,but you will motivate other people to follow your footsteps…and one day racism and critiscism will be reduced. spread love and people will return the gesture…i guarantee it
That was a really interesting article. I’m sort of surprised Ben Folds would write such a angry song, since most of his music in my opinon is of the fluffy sappy variety. Then again, I also figured since that’s all he and his band played, it’d be soon enough that he’d explode stuffing all his rage down into himself. I hope this doesn’t happen to Coldplay or The Flaming Lips!
It’s interesting what you said about being Jewish, I am Jewish myself. I never really encountered racism about it except for 2 times.
One time was at a concert, I overheard some hillbilly white power jerk say something about Jews and turned around like to fight him..I suppose fortunetly, he thought I must be drunk and was being really stupid because I’m 5’4 and somewhat obese, and frankly I’m sure I couldn’t sufficently kick anyone’s butt.
Another time was in high school when this kid in front of the class, was making bad anti-semetic jokes. I’m sure you don’t want to hear them, I certianly didn’t. The teacher refused to send him to the dean, and acted as if I was a problem for suggesting he go there. Fine, I felt, “Don’t come crying to me when he comes into school one day, with a black trenchcoat armed and heading to the lunchroom”
I’ve always known about the whole WW2 thing, sometimes I think I am understating it. It might be because, I didn’t grow up during the time Hitler was in power..so I really didn’t have the post-trumatic stress associated with anti-semitism and anything Germanic. I mean, I love Rammstein, and they’re German. So I guess I figure they’ve apologized, and if I have a problem with them I should take it up with their dead ancestors.
I think there is alot in common with Nazisim and discrimination in general. The only difference is people are much more covert about their discrimination.
A good example, would be instead of Hitler shouting from the rooftops about how bad Jews were. He were to slowly shut down Jewish owned stores, have Jewish merchandise not allowed in Christian stores. Then do a sneaky campaign on TV about how Jews are accountable for so many problems.
It’s exactly how they’re dealing with fat people these days. Also, on another subject. I have Asperger’s Syndrome, they are also dealing with people with Autism in the same way. I’m sure if Hitler came out with a great campaign such as, “1 in 166 will be born Jewish” they wouldn’t be putting the same message on TV about Autistic kids. Let alone going on about what a burden they are..but I am getting off-topic.
My point is we’re dealing with a much more advanced form of discrimination. Where it’s not just one looney going out there and saying crackpot things about people generically. We have the medical association lying about the risks of being over 100-something pounds. Which is like the flim Anatomy, which is from Germany.
It deals with the idea of a anti-Hippocratic society. Which was what they had going on in Nazi camps. I find it very anti-Hippocratic that we have medical people telling people it’s better to starve to death or yo-yo diet then just stay at your natural weight.
I think Jews, as well as Blacks and other groups of people who have delt with a long history of being discriminated against. Have a heightened sense of when discrimination occurs. I kind of jokingly call it “Nazi-dar” cuz I’m Jewish, and when I hear about discrimination it gives me that creepy feeling, like as if WW2 was starting all over again. It’s like, “Am I the only one who can see the giant-glass elephant in the room, heiling Hitler?!” hahaha.
I think for the most part all you can do is make fun of the people who discriminate, or feel sorry for them. I think it would be much worse being discriminating and not knowing it, than being discriminated against. At least then you don’t have to wonder why people hate you for seemingly no reason, as you go back to your airheaded lifestyle of shopping at size 0-12 stores. (Was that a great wrap-up or what?)
I feel the reason why people say very rude comments about other people who is “different” is because they don’t love themself or who they are. And for some strange reason deep inside it makes them feel better. I feel that you truly have to love yourself no matter if you are overweight or not, white,purple or black or whatever color. Rich or poor. Christian or a Jew.
When you truly love yourself that is time when you can love other people no matter what or who they are……
Let’s stop putting down people who is “different” from you. And let’s start seeing the good in everybody!! Yes, I do think there is good in everybody!!
Thank you for writing this. You gave me back a tiny bit of the faith in humanity I had previously lost.
Just…thank you.
Yes I am overweight, I have trouble controlling my weight because I just love to eat! But it is so tiresome to hear and read all the things about fat people – we all, every single one of us know exactly that we can change our situation if we really WANT to. A fact is a fact, so lets get over our sensitivities and lets get on with life!
instead of wasting all this energy on feeling hard done by!
And calling this rubbish by Mr. Folds “poetry” now that is offensive!
As a recovering anorexic its true!
I feel so awfull & offended when people make fun of fat people.I am in my mid twenties & once weighed 80 lbs., i would have nightmares of human fat suficating me & going on my body.
People claim that being over weight is unhealthy, well beleive me, from the other side of the spectrum, being underweight & anorexia is not healthy!
I hope all the over weight people out there dont let others intimidate them like i did, when i was 110 pounds i thought i was ‘fat’, i saw a 300 pound person & was embarrased even though my pant size was 1.
So if anyone out there reads this, i hope you realize, its not healthy to a person to cause emotional damage. The effects can be LIFE THREATENING, trust me i know what i talk of!
An amazing, intriguing post/debate.
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