I hate all you bloggers out there. All you ever talk about is:
“Me, me, me. Read me! Read me!”
And I’m no better. I’m like a trained monkey typing away to amuse a bunch of ungrateful strangers.
At least Stephanie Klein gets paid to write.
Or if at least I got to sleep with some hot female blogger – that would make blogging worth the trouble.
Like that stopped her from jumping into the sack with that real estate attorney last September.
I noticed Lynn started a Poetry Thursday segment. I hate poetry, but I wrote one anyway.
Dark, Dark, Dark
It Makes me Weary,
Just Thinkin’ About
The Blogosphery
I would quit blogging right now, but I’m too wishy-washy to make my own decision. That’s why I’m going to let Fate decide. Whoever writes the FIRST SECOND THIRD comment — I want you to tell me whether to continue blogging or to quit immediately.
YOUR DECISION will be final. You will decide the future of “Citizen of the Month.”
I’ll shoot you off an email next time I’m coming to LA
And don’t quit blogging damn it!
I don’t think you could quit even if you really wanted to.
Forget Little Timmy, it’s ME who needs to be entertained!
How dare you manipulate me like that! Threatening to quit, that’s just mean.
You’re a freaking genius, and I adore you.
Love, Trixie
I need to call you a bunch of ungrateful strangers more often.
Neil you are the funniest, please keep saving people like little Timmy, Juliette…and the rest of us…we need you!
I’m definitely late to this party, but need to add to the multitudes that you can’t quit. I enjoy stalking your blog too much!!
Dildos totally came to mind when I saw that picture too.
Please continue to blog, but be sure it involves more arguments with “Vince”.
You have a blog?
Words are easy for a blogger. Still waiting for that offer of all-expenses-paid weekend of noncommital, cheap, torrid sex with hot female blogger…
And it’s a banana, you sickos!
What’s a “blog?”
I think Leah’s on to something- we could continue on with the Freudian BS just looking at this post. There’s wish fullfillment (dreaming up Julietee) / expression of repressed aggressive id desires (Vince).
How dare you even think of quitting? Where do you think we poor souls will get our dose of humor and sin all rolled together?
Neil, if for some odd reason Timmy or Juliette haven’t convinced you to keep on blogging, then I hope that I can be the one. I’ve been enjoying your blog for some time now, but have always felt shy to comment. Somehow, however, you make me feel relaxed and comfortable … to the point that I would like to embark on a exploratory homosexual relationship with you. I am a married man, so in God’s eyes, this may not be entirely holy, but my instincts tell me we could be worth it to one another. As a token gesture of my admiration, I am sending you a small e-back-rub, which I hope will rouse you to continue blogging.
::rub::
Please let me know if I’ve crossed any line in this matter. I wish only to make to feel as comfortable and welcome as you have made me. By the way, I am missing an arm. I though you might like to know that.
Wow, are you having a totally diva day or what?
Sophia: “This is working out great. Just like we planned.”
Neil: “You’re a genius, Sophia. First we make up that “separated couple” story, then we milk it that I’m quitting blogging, and tomorrow we ask for everyone to “subscribe” to this blog for $1.25 a day — or discounted at $8.75 a week.”
Sophia: “$1.25 is $8.75 a week.”
Neil: “I know, but my readers are so dumb, they’ll buy anything. And they’re cheap too — always looking for a bargain. ”
Sophia: “You really think they’re going to pay to read this blog? It’s not that great.”
Neil: “Are you nuts, Jennifer — oops, almost used your real name, uh, “Sophia”… didn’t you read the comments. I’m a genius! I’m like a God to these people. When I say dance, they dance.”
Sophia: “Are you going to tell them that you’re really a woman, and that we’re lesbian lovers?”
Neil: “Of course. They’re mostly a bunch of bleeding heart liberals who listen to NPR all the time. One mention that I’m a woman who wants to get a sex-change operation so the two of us can adopt Chinese babies and the money is gonna come rolling in!”
Sophia: “Then we can move to Aruba, right? And start that Christian-friendly online poker website like we always dreamed!”
Neil: “This has always been God’s plan.”
Now God’s in the blog too?
Look at it this way, Neil: at least you’re keeping yourself entertained!
Love you and your sheer genius.
It should be YOU, Neilochka, not the Tragic Greek Cow that gets a book deal. YOU, I say.
So, there’s my answer – MUST keep the blog going.
Ciao!
are’nt you are writer? why would a writer quit a blog? hmmmmm, i know, i bet you’ve got a movie deal lined up, you’re planning on quitting the blog and becoming an actor instead. so instead of reading your blog, we can all watch you act out your blog. other than that, i can’t think of any reason for you to quit your blog, so stop toying with me.
It was bad enough when that “King George” of yours said he was waging wars on account of my “plan,” but now this?! You better watch it, dude, or I’m gonna get truly Biblical on your butt (and your lesbian girlfriend, too).
keep on shpritzing, Neil. That last comment exchange between you and “Sophia” cracked me up.
Um… we’re not ALL a bunch of bleeding heart liberals… Ahem!
What a title: Deleted Weekend Post.
Neil, don’t you realize that nobody wants to Passover you…? (groan)
Happy Passover to the Kramers.
The back hair is totally out of control, Neil.
and you said GOD would never write anyone…
Don’t read my blog! (Feel better?)
What would my fantasy life be if I could no longer read your blog, Neil?
Just to satisfy my curiosity, what was the chimp’s opinion?
It’s like seeing a split personality in action! Anyway, keep it up ; )
Please quit blogging, Neil. If I know you’ve quit, then I’ll be able to stop reading your blog to procrastinate. And maybe I’ll get some of my own writing done!
You’re right. It’s all about ME, ME, ME!
P.S.: I thought the Valentine’s card with the monkey and the dildo was disturbing, until I read the comment about your Penis on the keyboard. And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go poke out my eyes. It’s the only way I can stop visualizing.
Neil, I think you’re the first blogger to simultaneously create and break through the fourth wall. You’re a blogging genius!
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