Lately, I’ve been noticing an increase in interracial relationships here in Los Angeles. Blacks dating whites. Whites dating Asians. Asians dating Blacks.
I am against this type of relationship, much like I am against inter-religion dating or members of different cultures getting romantically involved.
My reason is simple: saving Hollywood.
As a lover of movies, particularly of the romantic comedy, I fear the death of the gimmicky movie obstacles to the young lovers’ happiness. In Shakespeare’s day, we had powerful families that hated each other, like in “Romeo and Juliet.” But since the dawn of the movies, filmmakers have used race and religion as a way to create drama, such as the movie I just saw, titled “Something New.” She’s black! He’s white! What will their parents say?! Will his friends accept his “Jungle Fever?” Will their love overcome the obstacles?
Think about it. Once these obstacles are gone, what will happen to the romantic comedy? Sure, we still have the old stand-by — he’s funny (Jewish) and she’s a anal shiksa (“When Harry Met Sally,” “Annie Hall,” “Meet the Fockers”). But even that sub-genre is getting old as assimilated Jews become less funny. Some of these Jews are so desperate for funny material, they just tell the same penis jokes over and over again. Even worse, the shiksa women are learning to tell their own jokes, ruining the dynamic.
Another old standard is the guy who’s a dullard who meets the woman who’s a free spirit (“Bringing up Baby,” “Something Wild,” a thousand other movies). I never really bought into this gimmick. I understand the boring tax accountant who is excited by the wild woman, but do exciting, fun women really want to hang out with the tax accountant? Or is this more wish fulfillment on the part of the mousy male screenwriters? I’ve been a dullard all my life. Where are the women, grabbing me by the arm to take me on a wild ride? Well, OK, there is Sophia.
OK, maybe Sophia was one. Sadly, even this genre is getting old, with “geeks” and accountants actually becoming sexy in popular culture.
Is the romantic comedy genre doomed? Unless we take some action now, I give it a few more years, right after they make the movie about the single rabbi and the ditsy Muslim divorcee who lives across the street from him.
Hopefully, we’ll hear from the author of the book “Writing the Romantic Comedy” himself, who keeps a blog here.
As for myself — I have a special place in my heart for women of other races and religions. But I must insist that we not get romantically involved. For Hollywood’s sake.
(editor’s note: These statements are here for humorous effect. Any woman of any race or religion who wants to throw herself at Neil’s feet, will not necessarily be rejected.)