There’s nothing as flattering as being thought of as someone knowledgeable, as someone whose opinion matters — particularly on issues of male-female relationships. I’ve always harbored a secret desire to be a male "Dear Abby." So, I fell out of my chair this morning when a reader asked my opinion of something quite unusual:
I have been waxing (or shaving I guess) the bikini area. I haven’t been with someone since I started waxing everything off and I am wondering if upon finding this out… is a guy going to have a positive or negative reaction to it? What do you think? You can write about this on your blog. It might be interesting to hear other people’s thoughts!
Sara
Thanks for the question, Sara, but I’m not a typical man. After all, in my comments of my last post, I admitted that I would sleep with the 62 year old Stephanie Edwards.
Other men might disagree with me, but I couldn’t care less whether you are shaved or not. I mean the public hair is not made of steel wool and it certainly isn’t going to prevent me from getting to the good stuff. In fact, I like the hair because it gives the man something more to play with. What man doesn’t enjoy making braids with the woman’s public hair. Why take away the fun?
On that note, I should reveal that even I once shaved my pubic hair.
It all happened becuase one day, when I was in college, I noticed that my roommate, Wade, had shaved his.
"What the hell did you do?" I asked. "Are you trying out for the swim team?"
"Nah. I read that it could make my weiner look bigger."
I shrugged, thinking he was an idiot. Wade was constantly obsessing over his "weiner," which didn’t make much sense, since he had a beautiful girlfriend over at Barnard College, who obviously loved him despite whatever the "size" of his "weiner" was.
That night, Wade came home, all cheery. He told me that his girlfriend, Becca, gave him oral sex. She never wanted to do it before, because she was always repulsed by his pubic hair.
This quickly changed my opinion on this issue. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all? After all, look what happened with Wade and Becca!
I began to give this shaving idea some more serious thought when I was invited out to dinner with Wade, Becca, and Becca’s hot roommate – Annette. If Becca feels this way, maybe it’s the same with all Barnard girls. As they say, when in Rome, do as Romans do. When in a Barnard girl… maybe you need to get a trim.
A few hours before the big event, I went into the dorm bathroom with my scissors and my Gillette — and gave myself a lower body crew cut.
Later, at the restaurant, things were going terrific. There was food and drink and music. Wade and Becca were dancing. Annette and I were at the table, hitting it off. She said she was from Vermont. She said she loved Charles Dickens.
"So do I!" I said.
I said I love French movies.
"So do I!" she said.
Things couldn’t be going better when, suddenly, it felt as if I was sprouting a five o’clock shadow around my groin. I could actually feel the stubble rubbing against my underwear and it was itchy as hell. I started squirming in my seat.
"Is there anything wrong?" asked Annette.
"Just moving to the music," I answered, and started singing along to Duran Duran. "Uh, let’s dance…"
I grabbed Annette and we went off to dance. Anything to keep moving. I started dancing erratically, moving my legs this way and that, hoping the flowing air will give me some relief. Some people stopped dancing just to watch my crazy steps.
"You are a wild dancer!" said Annette.
Soon, I was totally exhausted from jumping all around. Annette and I sat down again. She seemed to be having a great time.
"You know, you’re really fun," she said.
"I like you, too."
I couldn’t believe I blurted that out. But, she smiled at me. Everything was OK. Everything was great. Annette was blushing and shyly turned away to watch another table that was singing "Happy Birthday."
But then the itch resumed. And it was worse than before. I quickly slid down in my chair, so no one can see — and gave my itchy area a little scratching, hoping to relieve my agony. Never was a scratch so necessary. I just hoped that this wouldn’t ruin the evening, considering that Annette seemed to really like me.
But then I noticed that Wade and Becca weren’t dancing anymore on the dance floor either. In fact, they were standing right behind me. Becca’s face looked in shock as she watched my hand on my groin, moving in an up-and-down motion under the table.
"Oh my god!," Becca said loudly. "Wade’s roommate is masturbating under the table!"
I still can visualize Annette’s face as she turned around to face me. Who knows if she even heard my explanation, or if the blaring sounds of "Hungry Like a Wolf" blocked out everything as she ran away from me. I doubt she would have really understood what happened — why I had shaved my pubic hair.
Let’s just say that things never worked out between us.
During that year in college, Wade got a lot of oral sex from Becca.
I let my public hair grow back. I’ve never touched it since.
I’m in the category of “don’t ever try to give yourself a bikini wax” ouch.
I once used nair to remove my widows peak and took out a huge chunk of my hair in the process. Looking back it doesn’t even compare to having horribly itchy gentalia while in public. You’ve made me feel so much better about myself and my poor hair decisions (on the head and down below). So thanks!
Oi the vey! Well, my friend shaved all of her foliage down there and ended up in the hospital with a horrible razor rash. That goes to show, a natural might be the way to be!
Neil, did someone really ask you this? Seriously.
Really?
I received an E-mail a while back concerning waxing. I have no idea if this is a true story but that doesn’t matter. I laugh every time I read the E-mail even though I have read it 100′s of times.
Enjoy, Claire
***************************************
This is long, but worth the read…
This is just horrifying!
“It’s always the secure who are humble…”
This has to be one of the funniest and most god-awful scenarios I have
ever heard of… Bless this woman!!!
——————–
All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now…. The
Wax!!
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix dinner;
played with the kids. I then had the thought That would ring painfully
in my mind for the next few hours; “Maybe I should pull the wax out of
the medicine cabinet?”
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of
those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the
strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them
apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right
off!
No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m no girly, girl, but I
am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out.
*YA THINK!!!*
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It’s two strips facing each other,
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair
dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax on my rear end (Oh, how
this phrase haunts me!). I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin
around it tight! and pull.
OK… So it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do
this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all
wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!
With my next wax strip, I move “north”. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using
the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of the
bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to
the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply
and brace myself…. RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!
I’m Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!… OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half of
the strip. S**T!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP… Everything is
swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums????? OK, back to normal. I
want to see my trophy – A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has
caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory
that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There’s no hair
on it!
Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down, foot
still perched on the toilet. I see the hair… The hair that should be
on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers over
the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and
matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . . . Remember, my foot is
still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something, so I put
my foot down. DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of the celler door.
Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!!! I penguin walk around the
bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, “Please
don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off.”
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand
into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax
should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? *WRONG!!!!*
I get in the tub – The water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit. Now,
the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.
In scalding hot water!! Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax. So,
now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man that
convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend,
thinking surely she’s waxed before and has some secret of how to get me
undone. It’s a very good conversation starter, “So my butt and who-ha
are stuck to the bottom of the tub!” There is a slight pause. She
doesn’t have a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on my bottom, “Are we
talking cheeks or hole or what?”
She’s laughing out loud by now… I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!
Right!!!!!! I would be the joke of someone else’s night. While we go
through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a
razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in
hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry
shaving the sticky wax off!!!
By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I
slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me as my
hand reaches towards the saving grace… The lotion they give you to
remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. I
rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared
the dickens out of my friend, but I really don’t care!!
“IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!” I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and
she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then
notice, to my grief and despair… THE HAIR IS STILL THERE… ALL OF
IT!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I shaved it off. Heck, I’m numb at this point.
Next week I’m going to try hair color . . . . . .
I’m not gonna put myself in any category, trimmed, shaved or growing a jungle…but I will recommend that if anyone dare to be bare down there…sugar wax is a lot safer than the hot stuff.
Hehe fun post!
Neil, I didn’t check your roster comments again to see if this was already stated, but I guess “Hair today, gone tomorrow” is pretty appropriate, but it might be just “cutting it close” if one chooses that “root”!
I hate when guys have no pubes. It looks icky & then you can’t get any friction when you’re on top.
I’ve been getting my snatch waxed for a few years now. I like it. But I had one guy from London who was really upset because he liked a “full bush.”
I don’t I have laughed this hard and loud as I just did. Thanks, boy after a night that I just had, I needed it.
I agree that I find it disturbing that men like the prepubesent look. But cave woman can be gross too. The compromise is the semi-brazilian for her, a nice trim for him.
oops sorry for the typos…Meant to say that I haven’t laugh this hard and as loud as I just did.
Wow, that was hysterical!
Regarding the organization of your blogroll … Could you also put a form up we can fill out should our status change? I’m thinking 2006 may be a time for upgrades.
I like my men nice and smooth down there… That way my nose won’t itch when I get down to business!
That was hilarious!! I was laughing so loud that my two little boys came running in the room asking me what I was laughing at. Kind of hard to explain to a 3 and 6 year old.
To shave or not to shave? That’s the question!
hey Neil, just wanted to say HNY in case I haven’t yet!!!
Wish u lots of blogging!
Fitèna
Kestrel, yes.
I so should not be reading things like this. If only you weren’t so damn funny,,,,
I’m pretty sure the pubic hair is air brushed on dude. No chick likes a mouth full of hair, I assure you this.
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It’s like a speed thing less friction and no wind resistance to slow you down
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