For a writer to be parodied and mocked is one of the greatest honors. Or is it? Although it’s not much of a parody if I’ve already said most of these things about myself.
This is a post from Douchebrity, an actual new site:
God, I’m So Fucking Brilliant
I was so excited when the folks from Douchebrity asked me to write for them this morning. I thought to myself:
“Now here’s a great opportunity to try and pump my stats and link back to myself constantly”
You see, I spend ALL day refreshing my statcounter. As a matter of fact, my imaginary Ex-Wife that I made up so people wouldn’t think I was a complete loser, has tried to pry my swollen fingers away from the F5 button, to no avail. I can even find it in dark. Cause I like to turn off the lights and look at hot blogging chicks and pretend they might actually be interested in me.
The other day, while my mom was making me noodle koogle, I thought to myself:
“Thank god my female readers don’t look into my archives or else they’d find out the truth about my appearance. Then they’d laugh at me when I try to talk sexy with them in the comment section. Or when I ask to be nominated for the World’s Sexiest Blogger. Or stop cyber-sexing me on AIM. And who are we kidding, that’s the only action I get.”
But that’s what it takes to be a problogger. Technorati’s my real bitch…links, links, links. Say it slowly with me now (hold on while I get out my astroglide) OH YEAH LINKS, OH OH OH PLEASE MORE LINNNNNNKS.
Holy Kishkas, that was good.
by NCramer | No Comments | tags: Penis Envy
Today on Blogebrity: Personal Blog-a-rama: Kris’ Best of 2005, The Carnival of the Mundane
December 22, 2005 at 12:06 pm
This is great! Hope for your sake it was a SHE too 🙂
December 22, 2005 at 12:39 pm
Wow, this experience must be a very close second to actually having a skit written about you on Saturday Night Live.
Hey, that would be kind of funny to see a Sat. Night Live skit about bloggers, wouldn’t it?!
December 22, 2005 at 12:57 pm
I know not of any of these things you speak: blogcelebrity and the f5 button… but holy kishkas has now become my new inerjection. It shows excitement and emotion, hallelujah.
December 22, 2005 at 1:37 pm
What’s a Douch? And how do you pronounce it? DOOCH-ebrity?
December 22, 2005 at 2:02 pm
Neil – I would never attach my name to anything with the word “douche” in it. Nor would I ever be so desperate for attention that I would attack another blogger for no reason except to bring attention to my own blog.
You should feel flattered that of all the bloggers in the world, this douche chose you to emulate! On his best day, he isn’t fit to wipe your monitor.
December 22, 2005 at 2:27 pm
Man, that’s some funny stuff. I wish that person would just follow me around all day reinterpreting the things I say. I think I’m in love.
December 22, 2005 at 2:43 pm
You know, I’ve been on the PC for decades, and had no idea until today that F5 is Refresh.
December 22, 2005 at 3:14 pm
They got noodle koogle and kishkas in the same post – hilarity!
December 22, 2005 at 3:44 pm
Outstanding! I wish it had been me! But I know that “kugel” is not spelled like “Google.” Unless there is a new search site where you can find cool Jewish bloggers?
~HDJ
December 22, 2005 at 3:58 pm
Oh, Neil. what a trickster. It’s on “their” website, but you knew that, I’m sure!
Note to your spam block software: I hope you don’t think I’m still a spam. I will cry.
December 22, 2005 at 4:13 pm
My apologies to those having trouble commenting. My spam blocker is going crazy today. Apparently, it thinks I’m a douche also.
And you’re right, He’s Dead Jim, at least we know it isn’t someone Jewish, because no self-respecting Jew would spell kugel as koogle.
December 22, 2005 at 5:03 pm
I get the same spam comments too. I feel better knowing it wasn’t just me 🙂
December 22, 2005 at 5:30 pm
This douche must be very popular. I am getting tons of hits from the site! I didn’t even realize he had actually linked me. Thanks douche!
December 22, 2005 at 5:56 pm
That’s impressive. Congrats, Neil.
December 22, 2005 at 8:04 pm
Hmm. I never knew that the F5 key was the refresh key either, but then again, I thought that hot ~wings~ were really just teeny drumsticks…I blogged that back in August. Aaah..a moment of blonde.
And when you say, “Technorati” you have to say it like Cartman says “Authority”. I do. Go ahead…try it…YOU WILL RESPECT MY TECHNORATI!
~L.
December 22, 2005 at 8:18 pm
Who woulda thought someone named “Douche” would finally be the one to bring Neil and Brooke together. It’s the stuff fairy tales are made of.
December 23, 2005 at 1:37 am
Wow. Harsh. Yet also strangely flattering. Yeah, I’d probably be flattered. But I’m needy like that.
December 23, 2005 at 4:58 am
What Brooke said.
December 23, 2005 at 6:04 am
NEWSFLASH: This just in…
Roving bands of assholes attempt to take over the net…
December 23, 2005 at 6:44 am
You’re famous now.
December 23, 2005 at 6:51 am
Rest contented that you take up soooo much of said Douche’s little mind—–you have infiltrated it like a wood worm.
MUUUHHHHAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAAA……….
December 23, 2005 at 7:52 am
There’s a new search site where you can find cool Jewish bloggers? Might actually write that
I was going to give up blogging yesterday. Not because of my politics or the religion I would die for the right not to practice
But because of somebody who thinks I’m a rich girl who has never taken the subway. Apparently only rich girls who don’t take the subway can afford to blog.
She said more, selectively read my archives and probably went into my whosis, and used an Israeli name that’s probably false. It felt skeevy.
Then I realized how absurd it was, and how jealous she sounded. So maybe I’m doing something right
December 23, 2005 at 7:59 am
I think it might not be the best way to go to make up an ex-wife to NOT look like a loser. Soon he’s going to end up on a steady diet of government cheese and living in a van down by the river.
December 23, 2005 at 8:45 am
Armaedes — that’s very true. That’s too loser-ville. My bad. In 2006, I rewrite my blog and change Sophia from a Russian interpreter/separated wife who argues with me all the time to a blond USC cheerleader/geisha girl.
December 23, 2005 at 9:15 am
[…] Everyone will quit asking me if I am involved with Douchebrity. *Douche sucks. Blogebrity sucks. They are both fags. Fucking fags. I blog about shit in such a middle school way. They blog about shit in such a preschool way. Get a life both of you. Seriously does anyone care about Neil Kramer? Whoever he is. […]
December 23, 2005 at 9:41 am
Columnist Jon Kay wrote about Howard Stern:
“You can’t get into the First Amendment’s martyr club by being merely obnoxious.”
Here we go again, folks.
And, apparently, I’m not the only person who cares about Neil Kramer.
December 23, 2005 at 10:43 am
Well for what it’s worth, I like you…
December 23, 2005 at 11:04 am
The misspell on kugel causes me such pain.
And, ah, I didn’t really find what they wrote funny. Just mean.
What Laura wrote about how to say “Technorati,” however, now that was effing funny!!!
December 23, 2005 at 12:08 pm
That is fantastic! I want someone to mock ME!!
December 23, 2005 at 12:31 pm
And no, I am not Douchebrity. No one has asked me yet, but I am pre-empting the tens of thousands of Neil’s fans who are sure to be asking me this just as soon as they have gotten through everyone else on their list. I am not sure just how long the list is, but Nelson Mandela is 427 places in front of me and the snowball in hell is right behind him, so we must be getting there, slowly but surely.
December 23, 2005 at 1:23 pm
Ouch. I know that such a parody is a form of flattery (and celebrity) but I’d still need a few therapy sessions if that were written about me (and God knows it would be easy to mock me and my blog). On the other hand, you are so talented, sneaky, and self-aware that I have to wonder if you wrote the parody yourself.
I admit there have been lots of times when I suspected Sophia was a character you invented for the purposes of your blog. But since the real Sophia Lansky is all over the Internet and there’s no way you would’ve made up how great she was after your father died and because she jumps off the screen whenever you write about her and I’m still convinced that I see you two all over Los Angeles, I now believe wholeheartedly in the Neil and Sophia Story, soon to be a major motion picture.
If Sophia does turn out to be fake, I think I’ll have to be institutionalized. It’s like the end of “Anastasia” where Helen Hayes tells Ingrid Bergman to never tell her if she’s not really her granddaughter, the Grand Duchess Anastasia Romanov, because she just couldn’t take the disappointment.
December 23, 2005 at 1:30 pm
Darling, everyone has a blog crush on you. You know that, silly…
December 23, 2005 at 1:52 pm
Wow, Neil. I’m not quite sure what to say about that. I believe Sophia is real, though.
December 23, 2005 at 2:02 pm
You’re a star on Douchebrity…and that’s a problem, how? Somehow the true meaning of douche has been forgotten…douche helps women feel all flowery…just like you do Neil…now, if I could only get a douche like you to comment on my blog…then I will know my life has meaning.
December 23, 2005 at 3:48 pm
so, did anybody actually figure out the “true identity” of the writer of this post? It sounds like Brooke figured it out, but I have no clue how she did that! how about some clues! 🙂
December 23, 2005 at 4:47 pm
Neil, I find it very telling that the most coherent, cogent writing on that blog is that which parodies YOURS.
December 23, 2005 at 9:56 pm
Have a lovely, fun and cozy festive weekend there! May there be many many happy returns in this merry season.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Cheers!
December 24, 2005 at 8:04 am
Yay! You’ve truly made it! You’ve been parodied!
I hope you don’t take it seriously. Those guys are douches.
December 24, 2005 at 8:11 am
They envy you — and that is a good thing — for you. For them is kinda sad, LOL
December 24, 2005 at 11:12 pm
I’ve never heard of Douchebrity so, in my world, who cares? For what it’s worth, I visit blogs for interesting, clever writing and the people writing them. Some blogs are interesting for what they write and some for how they write about it. And some for both. As a general rule, parody isn’t particularly clever or interesting. Just kinda sad.
December 27, 2005 at 7:28 am
fucking hilarious.
neil. how the HELL have you managed to gain this following? it’s an oddity worthy of its own sociological study.
as for this communal group hug, i’m sure you are flattered by this satire. any “repectable” blogger knows that parody is the new flattery.
happy cha-cha-ka.
December 29, 2005 at 12:14 pm
Congratulations. Mockery is the sincerest form of flattery.