Comments on: Sitting Shiva

By: Introspectre

Introspectre — Mon, 03 Oct 2005 13:08:14 +0000

What a great story, and what a blessing to know that story.
Those pivotal moments that make us the people we are…

By: inky

inky — Sun, 02 Oct 2005 02:08:46 +0000

as a fellow Catholic, your buddy Barry hit us right on the nail about how we view the dead….at my father’s Catholic funeral… he was into theatre and directed shows for most of his adult life…so we had some of his former cast members sing some show tunes at the mass service….but had to get “special permission” from our Priest because it wasn’t really a catholic thing to do. Sorry about your father…

By: psychotoddler

psychotoddler — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 19:03:54 +0000

I miss your dad and I never even met him!

I’ve never been at the receiving end of a shiva call, but I’ve made quite a few and they are always awkward for me. I never know what to say. So mostly I say nothing. I sit and listen, or smile. Or occasionally I answer a bunch of technical medical questions.

The best calls are the ones where people tell great stories about the life of the person, not the death.

I think just being there to show that you care is the point.

If I were in NY, I’d stop by, but consider this a virtual shiva call.

By: cookiebitch

cookiebitch — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 13:46:08 +0000

Great story Neil! I would have been sent to be a physical therapist too … that is if I hadn’t accidentally shot myself.

By: Pamsterdam

Pamsterdam — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 11:43:56 +0000

I can’t think of the right words to say, Neil. My thoughts are with you and your nearest & dearest.

My Dad’s from Astoria - his (Jewish) father died when Dad was only 2 years old, so he was raised by my (agnostic) grandmother pretty much on her own. Not having the money for college, he enrolled in the army. I think the John Wayne movie “The Fighting Seabees” had something to do with it also.

In any case, one morning while he was in basic training he overslept. He woke up to find the barracks empty, the sun shining, birds singing… As he rushed to put on his uniform, a sergeant strode in, demanding to know what the hell he was doing there rather than on maneuvers with the rest of his platoon. Dad admitted to oversleeping, and was marched straight over to the colonel’s office. The colonel was this big, intimidating guy with a big, intimidating voice.
“Soldier! I understand you overslept.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Hmph!” (he leaned closer) “Soldier! When was the last time you shaved?”
“Last week, sir.”
Dad had just started shaving - he was a very young-looking 18 year old. The colonel & sergeant looked at each other, the colonel rubbed his face to try & hide his smirk, and directed my father to go back to the barracks, shave, and march double-time up to where his platoon were on maneuvers.

When Dad emerged from the barracks after his shave, the sergeant was there with his jeep & gave him a lift most of the way.

Your story really touched me.

By: anonymous city girl

anonymous city girl — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 03:22:40 +0000

All th comments about the food reminds me of my grandfather’s shiva. The local kosher deli/cater their is Weinstiens (or stocks… Weinsomething). Every night a box with our dinner would be delivered to the door step. I can’t remember the specific foods, I just recall salty heavy rich foods.
One day this old man came in to pay shiva. No one knew who he was. He had some old military looking tattoos so I assumed he knew my grandfather in the service (for a time he was a MP). As I approached him to ask him, my grandmother made a be line nearly knocking me down to usher him out the door.
After everyone left she admitted to me it was the man she dated right before she married my grandfather… and he had her name tattooed on his arm!!!!

By: mysterygirl!

mysterygirl! — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 03:21:04 +0000

What a great story about your dad!

By: Jack

Jack — Tue, 27 Sep 2005 18:35:28 +0000

I have had to sit shiva more times than I care to remember but I have to say that we have always eaten exceptionally well. Sorry to hear about your dad. Give my regards to your mom, I hope that she is holding up as well as she can.

By: ubermilf

ubermilf — Tue, 27 Sep 2005 18:12:02 +0000

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Your father sounds like a great man, and he will be missed by many.

I read about your trip to the hospital, then I was busy with my own selfish pursuits, only to come back to find this!

It’s interesting that you use the Catholic wake to contrast with the Jewish Shiva; I spent the weekend celebrating a Jewish wedding, and as a Catholic, I found much more in common with the Jewish culture than the WASP-y protestant wedding I had attended just two weeks before.

By: jenny

jenny — Tue, 27 Sep 2005 17:25:03 +0000

Great story Neil! Reading that made me think of my Grandmother’s funeral and all the people who showed whom I had never met; family my mother told me about over the years, but I had never met them. It was so funny to put faces to the crazy folks in my family. And everyone brought food even though we had ordered some deli trays (of course for some reason the place we ordered them from didn’t understand what Kosher was, so we ended up with lots of ham). It’s really an interesting experience to sit in a room full of Jews, talking about dead people, watching them eat food and get drunk. I wasn’t 21 yet, but you can sure bet I had a few drinks to get me through the afternoon. I never heard so much kvetching. Glad to see you too can keep your sense of humor in times like these…