Neilochka vs. Nicole

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I have nothing against Nicole Richie.  Really.  I actually thought she was pretty cute in those reality shows with Paris Hilton.  And Nicole was pretty funny.  And a hundred times more interesting than that dopey Paris Hilton.  I’ll even admit that I had a couple of Lionel Richie albums.  I liked him.  And I loved him when he was with the Commodores.

So, please stop emailing me, saying how I hate Nicole Richie.

The problem started with this post:

And then this post:

I didn’t mean to pick on Nicole Richie.  She was just the skinny actress du jour.  She is more a metaphor for skinny actresses everywhere.

If you look to the right on the page, you’ll see that I use a WordPress plugin called "Most Popular Posts."  The plugin uses some complicated formula based on hits and comments to come up with this list of most popular posts.  I don’t make any of the choices.  As you can see, "Too Skinny" is my most popular post.  It is also my worst post.  It isn’t particularly funny or interesting or touching.  But tons of people come to read it.   At first, readers came to make jokes about these skinny women.  Then, some people sounded sad about what women do to their bodies.   But then the tone changed, after I was linked by some pro-ana sites.

I had no idea what pro-ana was until I looked it up:

Pro-ana websites were first developed to counter the many support websites which encourage recovery from anorexia. Many anorexics believed that the desire to achieve an unnaturally slim figure was not a mental illness, but an alternative lifestyle. Doctors who treat anorexia see pro-ana as a life-threatening danger to current and potential anorexics.

These were young women who were advocating excessive skinnyness — calling anorexia a lifestyle — sort of like being gay or a Teamster is a lifestyle.  The whole concept of ana seemed pretty silly to me, until I started getting angry emails.  Most played the victim card:  

"You would never call someone fat in public.  Why do you feel it is OK to call someone "skinny?"

Yes, that guy on "Lost" is fat.  So, there.

Here’s an "ana" forum that discusses one of my dumb silly posts about Nicole Richie, Teri Hatcher, and Mischa Barton.  Here’s one of the comments:

Has anyone noticed that most of the people complaining that the three were too skinny were chicks?  I thought that was kinda amusing. i think its stupid how chubby people complain about how girls should be more womanly and all that jazz but secretly they themselves want to be just as pin thin as the supermodels, but won’t admit it.

I hate having that "Too Skinny" post as my most popular one.  I’ve tried to cheat the system by hitting some of my other posts dozens of times, hoping to push them up the list.  But every time I do that,  ten more people come to read about "skinny woman."

And each day, I get an email telling me how good Nicole Richie looks since she lost the weight.

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On a related note, he is an amazingly touching post about a lifetime of weight isssues written by Kristy.

And to start the weekend right, here’s another gag at Nicole Richie’s expense, via Justin.

This entry was posted in Blogging and the Internet, Gossip and Celebrities, Health and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to Neilochka vs. Nicole

  1. bella says:

    She’s so skinny because her lips are glued together.

  2. Helena says:

    First, the short support boys. Now the ana girls. Is anyone exempt from your ruthless jibes? And why don’t you stop picking on the malnourished, or jockey-esque? God, Neil. I expected better from you.

  3. Neil says:

    The saddest thing is she used to have a nice rack. Where did it go?

  4. xtessa says:

    i don’t know why some people that the skeleton look is actually an improvement… makes me sad.

  5. Lauren says:

    Tell us what to do to get the “Too Skinny” post down from most popular. You’re right, it isn’t your best work. It cheapens you Neil, oh how it cheapens you. excuse me, I have to go check up on Pink is the New Blog, I think they’ve put more pics of skinny chicks! Rock On!

  6. JJ MacMillan says:

    She has the breasts of a 90 year old Methodist lady. Why is she showing them off? She used to be the cute one. What did she do to herself.

    If “Ana” is a lifestyle, so is Russian roulette.

    Are you a practicing rouletter?
    Yes, that’s why there’s a bullet in my temple.

    But then again, I’m not gonna spill any tears over rich girls that have to manufacture their own drama.

  7. MA says:

    She was always cute, she just wore the wrong clothes. Then she lost 15lbs. and looked totally cute. Unfortunately, she didn’t stop at 15lbs. I think that if you are heavier and happy, terrific, and if you are thin and happy, terrific.

    But the problem comes when your life is in danger.

  8. ashbloem says:

    As I read that forum, I realise stupid people sometimes make me despair.

    It really is too bad about that Nicole Richie. LOVED her in The Simple Life!

    Then again, I loved Girl-Paris too.

  9. jamy says:

    I looked at the pro-ana board. Disturbing.

    Tell us what your favorite post is and maybe we can mobilize to giveit a lot of clicks and a lot more comments. :)

  10. ms. sizzle says:

    That is sad that that is your most popular post- but that proves more about the people reading it than about you as a writer. Of course you are better than that!

    Oh and I hear dancing on the ceiling is thenew LA weight loss fad- is this true? I think she’s the new spokesmodel for it.

  11. Bama Girl says:

    I agree with MA that Nicole looked cute, but a tad chubby when the simple life came out. Then she lost a few pounds and looked great. Then she got millions of compliments, so she kept losing pounds. She is now a fashion “it girl” mostly b/c she wears the clothes like a clothes hanger. She’s more popular now than she ever was. I can see why she must be terrified to gain a pound.

    It’s the same pressure all girls have, but in her case it is magnified by the media. I think lots of women struggle with the issue of finding the right weight. If we are chubby, it’s bad, but the minute we cross a border into skinny, it’s bad.

    So, where is that middle ground? Most metabolisms don’t just allow you to hover at perfect for long. I don’t have any answers, but I can understand the problem.

    There is a real reason Nicole looks the way she does, just as there are real pressures at play on the poor girls who struggle with anorexia. It’s their way of making everyone happy, they think.

  12. MyLifeIsGodsComicStrip says:

    My worthless two cents: Tell people to fuck off. You’ll write what you want, it’s your blog. Neilochka the Cool doesn’t set the weight trends, he just reports them. And if a chick is skinny, it makes it easier to give her that piggy back ride…..

  13. Lisa says:

    Wow, it seems as though I’ve stepped into quite a lively debate.

    I can tell you from living in Europe for the past four years, eating disorders are a truly American problem. People over here eat sensibly, exercise and are neither overweight nor excessively thin.

    So I can only blame the American media for these problems, including the disturbing “Anorexia is a lifestyle” argument.

    p.s. Thanks for the bra advice. I will have to hit a Nike store next time I’m in the states. :)

  14. kris says:

    And on a totally “related” note, what was that song Lionel sang where he was blind and sculpted the main female character’s face? Somebody help me here.

  15. You know what? I liked the NORMAL Nicole way better than this parsley licker version.

    Living in LA you quickly tire of anorexics. I’m glad NOT to be one of them… I’m a BIG FAT size SIX, but by local standards that is LARD-ASS!

    You know what else? Sticks make great clothes hangers, but get them naked and it’s “HELLO SKELETOR!” Whereas I look like total pin-up hotness naked.

  16. Jack says:

    Sorry, the skinny tramp strikes me as a blithering idiot whose sole claim to fame is the good fortune to have been born into some money.

    The girl needs serious help and is in dire need of a cheeseburger enema or some other drastic action.

    The Ana people are seriously sick and also in need of help. Reading that reminds me of the addicts I know who claim that they are in complete control of their addiction.

  17. Neil says:

    Atomic —

    Actually, those sexy pinups of yours that we both love are probably more like size 10-12! In the real world, you are the stick.

  18. amanda says:

    in that last picture she looks a bit toad-ish!

  19. kris says:

    Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone lovin’ you . . .

  20. True, true… Except that today’s size 8 measures the same as a 12 from years ago.

  21. Neil says:

    Didn’t know that. Sort of like grade inflation in college. A B today used to be a C. Does that mean I can start telling women online that I’m the sexiest man in the world (of course, I won’t tell them that I am using the standards of circa 1234 A.D. when all the men had bad teeth and dropped dead at age 30).

  22. not only does the sizing change from generation to generation…
    in more expensive lines of clothing, you tend to wear samller sizes… the better you feel about your body, the more you’ll shop.

  23. kristy says:

    thanks for the link, neil.

    and while i know ‘stepford’ was bad, it was no LA, that’s for sure…

  24. Edgy Mama says:

    Next time, Neil, just tell us to stalk one of your non-skinny women posts and we’ll get the popularity ratings up for you!

  25. Megarita says:

    First, “parsley licker” is perfection. Second, she does indeed look toadish in the second shot. Third, this may be the only way to get coverage now — some sort of politically-motivated hunger strike? I’ll not eat until you print more photos of me?

  26. mysterygirl! says:

    Neil, don’t sell yourself short. You don’t need to use medieval hotness standards. I’ve seen those dudes in the Renaissance… not hot. (well, unless Shakespeare really did look like Joseph Fiennes) You could use AT LEAST 18th c. standards… ;)

  27. modigli says:

    Wow… Scary stuff. Go figure they’d start a PRO-anorexia site. Sheeeesh!

  28. Brooke says:

    She was just the skinny actress du jour. She is more a metaphor for skinny actresses everywhere.
    I’m more offended that you are calling her an actress than an anorexic.

  29. Brooke says:

    Oh, and I must thank you for mentioning me on your blog as much as you do. I’m getting several hits a day from your blog alone. Certainly hope I’m not disappointing all your fans!

  30. Neil says:

    Brooke, am I wrong or are you flirting with me in the last comment? That just goes to show — I have no idea if you are skinny or not, it doesn’t really matter… you are a hot babe!

  31. Ted says:

    “Pro-ana” is a new one on me,dang, you daren’t hug em in case they snap!

    Ted.

  32. I heart Megarita for getting my “parsley licker” comment :)

  33. Rachel says:

    Bra sizes have changed over the years, too. What was once an A is now a B, and so on. I guess manufacturers are just giving women what they want.

  34. Melliferous says:

    Now I can’t get “Hello” out of my mind, either…thank god that church hymn is finally gone!

    I can see it in your eyes
    I can see it in your smile

  35. inky says:

    i think she looks sickly.

  36. Jack says:

    If I never heard from her again I wouldn’t notice.

  37. PLD says:

    whatever your personal feelings may be, someone call Richie’s stylist: her shoes are way too big! (white dress photo)

  38. Leesa says:

    Oops, I commented on Too Skinny today..little did I know you didn’t want anymore hits…sorry :)

  39. Carolyn says:

    In today’s society and especially in Hollywood, appearance do count! The better you look, the better you are. That’s the sorry truth and pretty pathetic to me, if you ask me. This is real bad and especially to your health! PLEASE Nicole (sweetie), please gain a couple of pounds (do it for your fans). I really liked her when she was in Simple Life and she had a great figure. I thought she was so beautiful and hot, way better than Paris!! I was just connected with her at all levels and just admired her amusing sense of humor (she was WAY funnier than Paris) and she reminded me of Shirley Temple but in our time age. Nicole looked better before when she had full cheeks, fuller buns, thicker breast and just more junk in that trunk! Now, I am getting real worried about her. But, I think she’ll have supporters around who would help her out if she did have weight problem or dealing with anorexia, people like her fiancé Goldstein, god father Michael Jackson and her father, Lionel Richie. I think Nicole has a lot of compassionate, honest friends that are encouraging!! Well, she said that during Simple Life, she came out of rehab and that’s why she gained all that weight because she kicked her drug addition to the curve and just ate like a Queen in the rehab center. (I would definitely understand; please read her book “Truth about Diamonds,” that uttered that famous celebrities who go through rehab, are being fed delicious food from stupendous cooks). Now, she works out with a personal trainer and she indicated that the weight just came off. You have to blame the public for the impertinent remarks and the fat jokes that they said about Nicole! People like that have a tendency to make fun of heavier people and in an interrupt way!!! I think Nicole just got tired of the tabloids, media and the action of other people who just kept continuing the fat tantalizing her. Women now a days are distressing with their weight, across America and it’s a constant battle! So, I pray that Nicole gets better and GIRL PLEASE! P-l-e-a-s-e gain a little weight, we are concerned about you and we love you! Thanks – your dearest fan.

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  41. Christine says:

    the only way she has become so thin is because she has not been healthy. i myself have suffered from an eating disorder and drug addiction since the age of 14. Drastic loss of weight like that is NOT healthy and I have only seen it from peole who have neeved some sort of help (ed issue, drug issue, alcohol issue etc…) just like Caslita flockheart, she’ll come out in like 7-15 years and admitt it some sort of drug abuse or eating disorder. i promise you. xoxo

  42. Aria says:

    I don’t understand why these pro ana people, and skinny celebs, don’t care that if they keep treating their bodies the way they are, they actually could die from malnutrition. How can they think being stick thin is worth that? I hope this trend changes really soon. And what is it with these stupid cameras that supposedly add ten pounds?!? I think they should fix cameras, so actresses don’t have to go to the extreme to appear normal.

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