Citizen of the Month » A Tribute To Teachers

A Tribute To Teachers

I noticed that in Sunday’s papers there were already a ton of ads for school clothes and school supplies. Who can forget those weeks before school — the excitement of getting new clothes and buying a new lunchbox. Do kids use lunchboxes anymore? Is there an American Idol lunchbox?

A number of my new online friends are teachers, and I see that they are writing less and less on their blogs as they get ready for the new year. Is there anyone more important and less glorified than a teacher?

I can say without hesitation that I wouldn’t be who I am today without the influences of my marvelous teachers. Even yesterday’s Ken and Barbie sex post was easy to do because I already did something similar years ago with my GI Joe and the model I made of my nine grade teacher, Miss Donne. Thank you, Miss Donne! I know you would be proud.

I love teachers. I remember you all, every single one of you — from kindergarten through college. I have so many great memories of my teachers. Some of my best memories include sitting in the school bus on the way to school and singing songs in your honor.

Like this one:

Glory glory hallelujah!
Teacher hit me with a ruler.
Hit her in the bean with a rotten tangerine,
and she won’t be coming round no more.

What fun I used to have!

By the way, did you know that most teachers spend hundreds of dollars of their own money just to get school supplies in cash-deprived school districts?

Here’s another one of my favorite "teacher" songs:

Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the burning of the school.
We have tortured every teacher,
we have broken every rule.
When the principal tried to stop us,
we just flushed him down the stool.

Why do we pay idiots like Hollywood actors so much money and we can’t pay a teacher a decent salary?

I’m sure you all remember this popular song:

Row row row your boat
gently down the stream.
Throw your teacher overboard
and listen to her scream.

It’s especially hard to be a teacher today because with most parents are working, and the teacher has to become a parent figure to many of their children.

You can just hear the appreciation in this little ditty:

On Top of Old Smokey
all covered with sand,
I shot my poor teacher
with a green rubber band.
I shot her with pleasure,
I shot her with pride,
I couldn’t have missed her—
She’s forty feet wide.

I understand the lack of posts written by my blogging teacher friends. All of us are with you. You are the custodians of our country’s future. It is you that mold the minds of the young, and make them into responsible and caring human beings ready to take us into the next century.

Teachers, I salute you with this final song, one that is especially popular with children coming to their first day of school:

Heigh ho, heigh ho, it’s off to school we go
with guns and knives and full bee hives.
Heigh ho, heigh ho, it’s off to school we go.
We’ll put some ants down teacher’s pants!
Heigh ho, heigh ho.

We love and appreciate you.

For more popular songs, go to Studies in Popular Culture.

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haha! A teacher post! and somehow I got to be first on here today. (that’s a first in itself!)

At first you made me sad for being a laid off teacher. But in the end, I’m happy again to have a wee little break this year for the start of school!

BTW, Brooke is gonna love this, Neil! You are so wooing her. lol

Even though I’m not in the real trenches of public school teaching, I love the post, Neil. And the songs. (For some reason I can now remember all the words to that terrible song about Comet. Also the one about diarrhea. “When you’re sliding into first…” Hilarious!)

We sang it:

Glory glory hallelujah!
Teacher hit me with a ruler.
I hit her back with an old cricket bat,
and that’s what made her cry.

My sister is a public elementary school teacher and I was SHOCKED to learn that she buys her own supplies. And even with teacher discounts, it isn’t exactly small change.

That helped me reach a whole NEW level of cynicism about our government and public services.

This as I’m on my way to deliver yet another application for a teaching position.

Funny, getting into teaching is turning into something as difficult as getting into show business; I’m hearing a lot of “don’t call us, we’ll call you” responses.

If nothing more, I’ll return to a third year of full-time subbing.

And I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for a teacher to get beaned who won’t come back anymore.

*Wink*

That was a great post! I loved the jingles, just loved them.
Pretty soon my cannotbetrusted will be teaching. I’m excited for him to be a positive male figure in these kids’ lives. Your absolutely right, teachers have become a lot more like parents.

Where’s the discussion on hot teachers? Didn’t every school have their Mrs. Greenspan (the Terri Hatcher of our day) or Mr. Teitelbaum (the Robert Redford of our day). Wasn’t it every (boy) teenager’s fear that they would be called to the blackboard in the middle of a fantasy? Or course, teachers back then were not as “bold” as they are now. Hmmm, do you think Mrs. Greenspan was diggin’ me back?

hallelujah - ruler…gotta be an east coast tune.

Tuck, who do you think my Miss Donne was a alias for? The ever-hot Mrs. Greenspan. She used to come to class in those sexy “meant for walking” boots!

This was a great way to start my day. My mom was a teacher at the same junior high I went to - it was heaven and hell at the same time. I could get away with a lot because I knew what my teachers acted like when they were drunk (BBQ on Labor Day) and they knew I knew. Unfortunately, it was hard to get away with a lot from inside my locker where the students who hated taking algebra from my mom shoved me, shut and padlocked the door (you would not believe how many times I had to tell my combination to the janitor).

Ahhh, this is why I’m no longer teaching. Okay, Neil, you’ve proven that you remember every dirty, mean rhyme from elementary school. What else do you remember?

teachers love this kind of attention. it makes up for the fact that we cannot hit our students. thanks neil!

That brings back fond childhood memories…

My wife is a teacher here in the “No Student Left Behind” state so she spends twice as much on supplies. However, she doesn’t have to pay for the bright shiny new standardized tests our nitwit governor (God, you’re so lucky he wasn’t your governor) got for us.

BTW, the most spectacular beatdown I ever received was when I brought a lunchbox to middle school in New Jersey. It was brown paper bags forever afterwards.

wow. my years, our lyrics weren’t as innocent as yours. our rendition:

on top of the school house
covered with blood
i shot my poor teacher
with a .44 round (?)
i went to her funeral
she wasn’t quite dead
so i got a grenade and
blew off her head

that’s damn scary. and i’m quite a few years ahead of the columbine years.

I could never teach middle school. I think that all middle school teachers should be given a new fancy car. Neil, you’re a good man–even though you had naughty thoughts about your teacher…

This post made my day. Actually, it made my crappy week much better. Thanks Neil! I promise to get back to writing more in my blog once I’m used to my new schedule.

Last year was my first year teaching at my school, and I easily spent 3 grand on supplies for me and my students (I needed access to a computer, so I bought a laptop to take to work everyday, so that is why that number is so high).

Somedays I feel like quitting, but then I have moments like yesterday. Before one of my students left for the day, she said to me, “Miss _______, it’s teachers like you that make this world a better place.” Wasn’t that sweet?

Oh, and I’ve been asked out by a few students too, but I’m no hussy!

whew…those little ditties certainly brought back memories, and now i have songs stuck in my head. i am going to sing them to all my teacher friends. just to get them warmed up for opening day.

Megan! You’re Mrs. Greenspan!

cute story!

Awwww Neil. This was so great! I’m so exhausted right now I’m crosseyed, but this was well worth reading even in my fatigued state. Today I got my class roster, tomorrow is open house, and on Monday the little ones arrive! Yikes!

My family is full of teachers and I always wonder why they chose a profession that pays so terribly. They all have graduate degrees and make less than I do without one. You have to want to help people. And over the years, they have paid for tons of shit for their classrooms. The Canadians got it right. We got Republicans.

I also had a much more violent version of these lyrics in my school (though they were banned):

Glory, glory hallelujah
my teacher hit me with a ruler
I hid behind the door
with a loaded .44
now my teacher don’t teach no more.

How HORRIBLE is that?? And to think that it was my life’s ambition for so long. I can only be taken for granted in one area of my life at a time, and I’ve got my hands full for now without thinking about that thankless job.

Hats off to them.

Beautiful. I have a tear in my eye!
TEACHERS ROCK.

I went to her funeral, I went to her grave,
some people threw flowers, but I threw hand grenades…

Yah. What a bunch of demented little bastards (we) children are.

[...] Many of the bloggers on my blogroll are teachers. I frequently read their blog posts where they are complaining about their low salary and their bratty students. Well, I have a message for all you teachers: ENOUGH of your complaining. Did you ever think that the problem with the American education system is YOU — the SPOILED American teacher? [...]

… ROTTEN TANGERINE
AND I DON’T GO TO SCHOOL NO MORE

Is the ending we used to sing

We use to sing it like: (our school was on a hill)

On top of a mountain
all covered in blood
i shot my poor teacher
with a 40 foot stud
I went to her funeral
i went to her grave
some people thew flowers
but i threw a granade
The coffin went up
The coffin went down
the coffin went *splat*
all over the ground
I opened the coffin
she wasnt quite dead
so i got a bazooka
and shot off her head.

Our whole class used to always sing it all together and once we even made one of our teachers cry… was funny at the time.

we use to also sing:

Ding Dong the teachers dead!

i’ve heard a different version than Maya

On top of a school bus
all covered in blood
i shot my poor teacher
with a 40 foot stud
I went to her funeral
i went to her grave
some people thew flowers
but i threw grenades
My mom came and got me
and sent me to bed
so i got my bazooka
and shot off her head

this i my version

on to of a moutian all coverd in blood
i shot my fat teacher witha
4 80 slug
she went up to heven but was’nt qutie dead so i got a bazzoca and blew off her head
i went to her funeral to vist her grave people therw flowers i threw a greandeThe coffin went up
The coffin went down
the coffin went *splat*
all over the ground
I opened the coffin
she wasnt quite dead
i got a sledge hammer and cracked open
HER HEAD

this is the version we used to sing:

on top of a mountain
all covered in blood
i shot my poor teacher
with a 44 slug.
i shot her with glory
i shot her with pride
it was not hard to miss her
she was 40 foot wide.
i went to her funeral
i went to her grave.
some people threw flowers
but i threw grenades.
her coffin went up
her coffin went down
her coffin went splat
all over the ground.
40 years later
look up in the sky
and there’s my poor teacher
still trying to fly!

good times, haha!

another version:
on top of a mountain,
all covered with blood,
i shot my poor teacher,
with a machine gun!

i went to her funeral,
i went to her grave,
some people threw flowers,
i threw grenades.

a thousand years laaater,
she rose from the dead,
i got my bazooka,
AND SHOT OFF HER HEAD!

im so sorry to all my teachers, lol

On top of Old Smokey
All covered with sand
I shot my slow teacher
With an old rubber band

I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
For I couldn’t miss her
She was forty feet wide

She runned out and catched me
The throwed me cross her knee
But at the set of my britches
I had my old geography

She reached for her ruler
Took a swipe at me
She missed old Kentucky
But hit Tennessee.
The real one!

MINE IS EXACTLY LIKE MAYA’S CEPT THE ENDING GOES

IT ROLLED OF THE STREET
AND INTO A DITCH
AND THAT WAS THE END
OF THAT SON-OF-A-BITCH

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Neil Kramer is a writer in Los Angeles (well, New York now). Citizen of the Month is his blog. Make yourself at home.

Email and IM:
neilochka at yahoo dot com

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