Parents Visit L.A.

Parents2.jpg

My parents are in town and staying with me in my one bedroom apartment — so you can imagine how much fun that is.  They are real New Yorkers who don’t drive, so I’m also their limo driver. 

What’s been the highlight of my mother’s first day?  Going to Target!  I didn’t realize there are no Targets in Manhattan.  Suckers! 

My mother’s review of Target:

Mom:  It really is much nicer than K-Mart.

In between discussions about Sophia, saving money, and the lack of grandchildren, I showed my parents what’s really important in my life — my blog.  You can imagine how excited they were with all the money-making potential of blogging — none. 

Dad:  What should I read first?

Me:  On the side, you can see my most popular posts.

Dad:  Posts?

Me:  Items.  Articles.  Just click on a link.

Dad:  Huh?

Mom:  Let me show him.  I’m an expert with the computer from work.

She clicks on a link.   They start reading.  After a moment, my father shows a look of concern.

Dad:  You didn’t really sleep with Tom Cruise?

Me:  If only! 

Stares.

Me:   Of course not.  It was a joke.  That whole thing with Rob Thom… oh, forget it.  It’s just a joke.

Dad:  Hmm.

My mother clicks on another link.

Mom:  This naked Batman is funny.

Dad:  Is that really Batman’s penis?

Me:  Batman is a cartoon character.

Mom:  That’s some penis.

Me:  Yes, Mom.

Mom:  Before I dated your father, I dated Sol "X."  Remember him?  His penis was like a…

Me:   Mom, I don’t really want to…

Dad:   (surprised)  I didn’t know you dated Sol.

Mom:   Just once.

Me:  And you saw his penis on the first date?

Mom:  Ha ha ha.  His penis was like…

Me:  (cutting her off)  Do you like the blog?

Dad:  Why is it called a blog?

Me:  Web log.

Dad:  So why not just call it that?   I like web log better.

Me:  I’ll relay your message to the authorities.

Mom:   Who’s this Brooke?

Me:  I don’t know.

Mom:  Is she nice?

Me:  I don’t know.  Some woman from Florida.

Mom:  She must be Jewish.

Me:   I have no idea.   Why do you think so?

Mom:  She’s from Florida.  Everyone’s Jewish in Florida.  Or Cuban. 

Me:  What about Jeb Bush?

Mom:  OK, maybe one.

Dad:  I think OJ Simpson lives in Florida now.  He’s not Jewish. 

Mom:  Thank God.   (after a moment)   Maybe Rita knows Brooke.  Does she live near Fort Lauderdale?

Me:   Mom, don’t be ridiculous.

Mom:   Now, I’m joking.   You have no sense of humor.

This weekend, I’m going away with my parents — and Sophia, my separated wife who hasn’t given my parents any grandchildren. 

I’ll report back…  if I make it through it…

Do your parents/family read your blog?

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31 Responses to Parents Visit L.A.

  1. As far as I know, no family or close friends are yet aware of the Blog which leads me to be able to write about them ha ha.

    M

  2. Neil’s mom: Who is this Moviequill clown?

  3. Brooke says:

    I am rolling over here!!!! Hi Mom! She thought I was jewish because I live in Florida? Not because of the OY?!? Tell mom I do live in Fort Lauderdale, everyone IS either jewish or cuban, and Rita is over at the deli getting bagels.

    This is why my family is unaware of my blogging. And only certain close friends are in the know as well.

  4. lizriz says:

    I’m in love with your parents.

  5. Jack says:

    My aunt is very interested in reading my blog but I have been trying to avoid that. I am not embarrassed by what is in there, but it will create some awkward moments and conversations that I’d rather not have.

    I like my pseudo anonymity.

  6. Charlie says:

    I love the exchange between you and your folks, especially the bit about the penis of Batman (and Sol “X.”)

    I’m pretty sure my mom reads my blog from time to time. This likelihood prevented me from posting something on my blog this week about astroglide and bed sheets.

    Shit, I hope she doesn’t read this either ;)

  7. Nancy French says:

    I just realized I should have been reading your blog long ago. Naked Batman? Target is the rich man’s Wal-Mart. Wal-mart is the rich man’s K-Mart.

    K-Mart is where you go if you absolutely have no other options and if you dont’ care much for cleanliness or kindness.

    At least in Philly.

  8. Brooke says:

    As you can just imagine, this had me absolutely weeping with laughter. I can’t believe your mom thought I was Jewish because I live in Fort Lauderdale and not because of the OY! on my post. Say hello for me, and tell her that she is right – people in Florida are either Jewish or Cuban, I do live in Fort Lauderdale, and Rita is over at the deli getting lox and bagels.

    This is why I do not let my family in on the blog thing – except for one cool cousin who is doing it now too. As for friends, only a select few are included.

  9. Leese says:

    Please stop interrupting your mother when she’s about to say something interesting.

  10. Leese says:

    My cousins, a couple of friends and a handful of friends read my blog.

  11. Have you read my blog?!
    You think I’m giving them the address?

  12. Hilary says:

    Hah, that was hysterical. And very much like a conversation I would have with my parents. Scary.

    And yes, my parents, sister, and cousins read my blog. And my mom even gets a regular post about her once a month. My readers love her.

  13. amber says:

    My mom says she likes my poetry but never wants to read any of it. I told my sister I have a blog and she thinks it’s stupid to have one. That’s my close family right there. They don’t read it and don’t want to and I’m glad. My soon to be ex doesn’t know it exists as far as I know. My best friend from college loves my blog and that’s good enough for me :)

  14. Brooke says:

    Sorry..two posts…the first one said it failed. What’s up with that?

  15. susan says:

    your parents are so cute! btw, the picture you placed on this post was hillarious. i like your sense of humor/style in your posts; it makes for entertaining reading.

  16. KDunk says:

    this is hilarious. my dad just read my blog for the first time ever. he called me afterwards and left a msg saying, ‘i just read your blog for about an hour. i look forward to talking to you about it’ -um -NO

  17. My family? There are only 2 or 3 people who know who I am at all.

  18. Elaine Kramer says:

    Hello. Nice to meet you. I am Neil’s mother. I see you all write interesting articles on your blogs, but have you called your mothers today? That is just as important.

  19. Rob says:

    While we might be lacking Targets, 7-11’s returning soon. Hey, Sammy Davis Jr was Jewish and I’m sure he had a little love pad in FL…or at least a FL “pad” to keep a spare eye. Hi to the folks.

  20. Nanette says:

    Your parents are hysterical! No one in my family knows I have a blog, but they also don’t know how to use computers. Actually, my mom thinks computer are only good for one thing – playing solitaire.

    And no Targets in Manhattan!?!? I’m at a loss for words…

  21. Jack says:

    Hello Neil’s mother,

    If I called my mother every day she’d lose out on the opportunity to call me and ask what is new in my life. And I wouldn’t want to deprive her of that joy.

    Actually she doesn’t call for me anymore, she is too busy looking for her grandchildren.

  22. Sophia says:

    I just came over. Neil’s father took me aside and asked me if I knew anything about Neil and Tom Cruise.

  23. Modigli says:

    Can I be a part of your family? You guys are having too much fun over there!!! I’m half Cuban, and of course I have family that live in Florida! So, I think I’ll fit right in. :)

    BTW, your parents are kinda reminding me of Seinfeld’s parents. All this NY/Florida talk might have something to do with it.

  24. M.A. says:

    Your parents are hilarious. I’m glad that they wondered about Tom Cruise, because for minute, I did…

  25. Lila tov Mama and Papa Kramer.

  26. Fun Joel says:

    Funyn post dude. I’m surprised that your parents didn’t try to draw a connection between sleeping with Tom Cruise, Batman’s penis on your site, and the lack of grandkids. If you know what I mean!

    My parents read mine (though I have to remind my Mom periodically — I won’t even TRY to explain RSS to her). Then again, I don’t post any personal stuff really, so whatever.

  27. Edgy Mama says:

    Neil,
    This is f’ing hilarious. Please, more conversations with your parents. There is a guy who has a booklog who gets his Jewish mom to read famous books and review them–reminds me of this. I’ll have to find the link for you. Still laughing.

  28. Robert says:

    My sister knows of my blog, she hasn’t visited though. Your Mother is a doll. Coincidentally My Grandma, in her later years took to enlivening family gatherings with various penis related stories and trivia. Including her recollections as they related to each male family member present. I think they like penis talk at that age.
    R

  29. Judi says:

    My (adult) kids read my blog, and they’ve all said, “Wow, Mom, you sound a LOT different on your blog”. Well, DUH!
    LOL!

  30. marti says:

    this is great! i love your parents!
    no, none of my family read my blog, god forbid!

  31. Pingback: Citizen of the Month » What do You Mean by That?

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