We are the World Sex Survey

Every year, Durex, the condom maker, puts out a "global sex survey."  It makes for some interesting (and weird) reading. 

Did you know that people around the world have had an average of 10.5 sexual partners?  Americans average out at 10.3.  The Vietnamese have the least at 2.5 partners.   The winners – the Chinese, with an average of 19.3 partners.   Now when I see a Chinese restaurant menu that says "order one dish from column A, one dish from column B," my thoughts will go way beyond ordering food.

The Italians reach the most orgasms — 61% of the time.  The Chinese reach orgasm only 19% of the time.  What do they expect — they never stay in one bed long enough to finish things through!

Americans reach orgasm 39% of the time. 

If you want a partner that rarely fakes an orgasm, go with a Macedonian or Serbian Montenegrin, who are the most satisfied — at 82% of the time.  Unfortunately, my "Google" search for "meet Macedonian women in Los Angeles" was not very successful.

Not unsurprisingly, The French have the most sex — 137 times a year.  The Japanese only have sex 46 times a year, giving them a lot of time to build really good cars.

Americans and Israelis tie at having sex 111 times a year, proving the Arab media right when they say the fascist Americans and Zionists are in bed together.

The most moronic category is the world’s sexiest female and male celebrity.  Angelina Jolie is the world’s favorite.  Bah, humbug. 

Let me bring up the Israelis again.  What is with you guys — picking Angelina by a whopping 43%, the biggest margin worldwide.  Is it because her father, Jon Voight, dances with the rabbis during the Chabad telethon?  (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, forget it)

Japan loves Cameron Diaz at 23 %.   As for male celebrities, Brad Pitt is pretty much the world’s sexiest man, except for in India, who are gaga for Tom Cruise at 26%. 

Note to Tom:  for your honeymoon with Katie (we hope!), why not New Delhi?  They love you there.